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Friday, April 18, 2014

DOCTOR'S VISIT RENDERED A SURPRISE

Yesterday I had my four month doctor's visit in Wilmore. During the exam, the doctor found a lump in my neck. I thought I felt something a couple of months ago, but ignored it. There are far too many other things to worry about with my health.

He was concerned about this lump. It is approximately the size of a ping pong ball now and is bothering me. He said it could be a goiter since I have had thyroid problems since I was 16 yrs old, but he didn't want to take any chances.

I have an echo cardiogram on Tuesday morning. He said we'd go from there. If it is a mass, well, we'll take it a step at a time. If it is a goiter, I go to an endocrinologist. I've been on thyroid medication for 37 years. However, the past six months or more, my hair has been falling out, my skin is super dry and my nails are peeling. I'm also so exhausted that I can function two hours before having to give up.

He asked me if I was experiencing hair loss. I told him yes. Funny thing is I've been telling him this for six months, but yesterday he heard me. Amazing how doctors are.

I can worry about it or look at it as a new adventure set to teach me about my hypothyroid disease. I'm not worried. I worry about money, financial struggles, wondering how much longer I can function on my own, etc., but a lump? Nope. Whatever comes with this lump, I'll take it a day at a time.

Life is filled with surprises. Some good, some bad. Endure the bad and become stronger. Enjoy the good while it lasts. Thank God for both.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

THIS IS FAITH!

Spring Flowers Among The Snow and Freeze

Will be in the 20's tonight. Weather says it will be a long hard freeze. Gathered up my plants and brought them in. Harvested my tulips and daffodils to enjoy. Sharing with you.



 

Dizzy Dreams, Easter, and Lupus Pain

As usual, I had odd dreams last night. I dreamed that I opened my mailbox and tons of letters/cards fell out. They came from all over the world. Each one held $10 - a blessing that really added up fast (and was needed). Each card read as follows: From God.

I can only imagine what that must feel like in my waking life. Perhaps I dreamed it because of the great financial need in my life. Perhaps I dreamed it as a reminder that God provides and takes care of me (and He does). Perhaps I dreamed it because I always look forward to the mail each day even though it is usually filled with junk and bills. Even so, the dream was wonderful, a far cry from the nightmares I've been experiencing nightly.

When I awoke, I smiled at such a possibility. Wouldn't it be wonderful?! Then I stood up and almost passed out. I've been dizzy all day, my heart fluttering in my throat, and feeling physically ill. Both hands are numb today so I've had to be careful when trying to hold the simplest of items like a cup or bowl. Since Dr. day is Thursday, I decided to crawl back in bed and suffer it out.

The weather has changed once again. Snowy morning and below freezing temps tonight. But soon Spring will return - a time of hope and promise. Easter is Sunday. Although I won't be going to church this year, I always worship Him. While families gather together for church and dinner afterwards, I'll be spending the day with Rascal and Buddy, and hoping Buddy won't snatch anymore baby bunnies from underneath the bush at the end of my porch like he did last year. Poor bunny! I tried to rescue him, but he didn't let me.

I remember Easters from the past. My mother always made a ham dinner on Easter. We ate together. It was the one thing she did so well - make holiday dinners. She was the true southern cook. My dad always bought my Easter basket. He stopped when I turned ten. It broke my heart. Haven't had one since. Sometimes I wish I had an Easter basket filled with goodies.

There is a robin singing outside my window. His repertoire is beautiful. Not one song the same. On a day like this when I feel alone in the world, it is a blessing to hear God's song bird sing such beautiful songs.

Time to go back to bed. Even though sleep won't come because of the pain, I will rest my head and remember the wonderful dream from the night before.

 

SNOWY SPRING MORNING

Woke up to beautiful snow falling. Nothing like a Spring snow. Air smells crisp and clean. Big beautiful flakes falling. Thankful for a beautiful snowy day.



 

Sunday, April 13, 2014

HOMESICKNESS AND SPRING, EBAY

No matter how old I get, I still become homesick from time to time. It hits me when I least expect it. Even though it is heavier around the holidays, a simple dream can take me back to my childhood. No matter how bad things were, it was still home.

I've felt homesick a great deal lately. Unfortunately, going "home" is not an option for me because my family passed away nearly twenty years ago. Home hasn't been home for a long time.

A friend shared this on her facebook page. Brought all those tears to the surface again. I can't help but wonder if I were able to go back to the house where I grew up, would it help me heal from all the pain I experienced there? This song really touched my heart:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBgM5ZRzzjI&feature=youtu.be

Even though the grass is green (and needing to be cut I might add), flowers are springing forward and rain showers come out of nowhere, we are going to hit low temperatures once again in KY. The weather report said not to be surprised if we see snowflakes.  With the hard fall from 83 degrees to the low 30's once again, my body will feel the affects strongly. It will hurt!

******It is a hard month financially. Selling items on Ebay to buy food for the kitties. Please take a moment to look: 

http://www.ebay.com/sch/maryjcal/m.html?item=321378709172&ssPageName=STRK%3AMESELX%3AIT&rt=nc&_trksid=p2047675.l2562

I wanted to share Spring with you in some of my own flowers. If you don't get flowers, plant your own. So I did.


 

 


 

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Dreams, Determination, Flowers, Flares and Proverbs

Ever have dreams/nightmares about someone you don't know? Wonder why? Me, too. I keep having recurring nightmares about someone I don't know. It is the same person. The nightmares wake me up with my heart fluttering in my throat. They stay with me all day.

I've decided the only way to deal with them is to pray for the person in my nightmares since I know the name of the person. Must be some reason they are invading my nightly dreams. Before the dreams were so nice I'd have to convince myself they were dreams. Now not so much.

Hard thing is they bother me. A lot. No matter what, I'll never understand why this person keeps appearing nightly in my dreams. So I pray for them. I'll never know, but God does. Last night's nightmare was so bad I haven't been able to shake it.

Since my life has become so restricted, i.e. hard to walk due to extreme pain so I can't go for walks, the temperatures have beaten me up over the past few days, hard to function in order to do normal things, I get lost in books and sleep. Now I'm getting relief in books and movies since sleep has taken a nasty turn towards me.

Just know, person of my "dreams" - you are being prayed for daily.

It has warmed up some in Wilmore. Flowers are blooming everywhere. My tulips are now blooming! So are the daffodils. Even my peony is starting to sprout out of the ground. Hoping for beautiful peonies this summer. LOVE peonies!

 I finally decided to turn the heat off at night. It is cheaper to wear winter sleepwear and curl up underneath my electric blanket. I'm so thankful for both.

My lupus flares have spread to the skin once again. I woke up swollen with rashes all over. Fevers. Pain. Chills. The old "feels like I have the flu" feeling. I haven't eaten anything to flare or done anything to cause a flare. Sometimes the weather changing alone will do it. I am determined NOT to let this horrible disease steal my life. There are many things I can no longer do, but those small things I CAN do, I will. One day at a time.

I ran across a celebrity news show awhile ago. Made me wonder if all of these "celebrities" who have so much would give more and realize they didn't need all of the attention, multiple houses, multi millions of dollars, what a better world this would be. Can you become so obsessed with yourself that you fail to see someone suffering in your midst? Can you be so empty inside that you can no longer show compassion, kindness, and love? What a sad world we live in when we have so many who have so much ignoring those who are suffering.

Many people think if you give someone money who you know is in need, they'll spend it on drugs or alcohol. Here's how I see it: if I see someone in need, I will give what I have. After that, it is between them and God. We don't know what that person has gone through, what happened in their life, what happened during the day. It isn't our job to judge what they will do with it.

Jesus said, "Matthew 25:34-36 Then the king will say to those at his right hand, "Come, you that are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me."

This one makes me think of celebrities and their events: Luke 14:12-14 He said also to the one who had invited him, "When you give a luncheon or a dinner, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbors, in case they may invite you in return, and you would be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, and the blind. And you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you, for you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous."

Proverbs 14:31: “Whoever is kind to the needy honors God.”

“If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with action and in truth” (1 John 3:17–18).


There are so many around us suffering due to a bad economy. Many who are alone in the world and only need someone to care. Why is it so hard to give help to others instead of becoming so self absorbed while drawing a circle around your family and not letting someone in? For those who are so greedy they just can't help anyone, let me remind you kindness and compassion do not come with a price tag. They are free and much needed. Don't help someone to promote your good works or make yourself look good. You've lost the blessing.

Heaven help me if I pass someone hurting, alone, hungry or in other need and not help where I can. Heaven help us all.