Monday, November 30, 2009

Thinking about Youth

Have I reached the age where I've turned old? I wonder sometimes. I find myself giving advice to teens. GO TO SCHOOL! You'll have to work all of your life. You'll have plenty of time for marriage and kids. There's ALWAYS a way to go to school. I DID it without parents' help. You can, too.

I get back responses like "My boyfriend never wants to get married" which translates to "we're going to live together and have whatever kids pop up." Teens still believe it won't happen to them. They don't realize they CAN have better if they really want it. They just have to work for it because nothing is handed to you.

I've also encountered something else: teens who have to worry about whether they have a place to sleep at night, food to eat, a SAFE place. These are 17-18 year old teens. They should not have to worry about things like this. They should be enjoying life, enjoying their senior year in high school, planning for the future. Instead they are struggling because they have nowhere to go, no one to believe in them, no one to direct their steps.

There is nothing worse than having no one believe in you. There is nothing worse than being unloved. If you have someone who loves and believes in you, YOU CAN DO ANYTHING. Things don't matter. Look around and remember those teens you see.

Monday, November 23, 2009


I just wish I had a family.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Wish List for Christmas

No Holidays are not has happy for some. We wake up and no one is there. Go about our day and no one is there. When we go to the store and see people shopping, wishing others happy thanksgiving, just makes that empty and alone feeling even deeper.

People mean well. They bring you food. They invite you to their family gatherings. I appreciate the effort, but let me tell you that it just makes me miss my own family much more. I spend Thanksgiving in tears when I go to someone else's home.

You never get over the loss of your loved one, especially when you've lost so many people like I have. You just learn to live with it. At the holidays the loss is just magnified and the pain is deeper than you could ever imagine. When you lose a loved one, you join the club. You realize what the empty, sad feeling is all about during the holidays. Others don't understand until they have a loss close to them. I feel like my heart has an anchor pulling it to the bottom of the sea.

I use to make a wish list for Christmas and give it to my brother. He was the go to person for the holidays. Now there's no one to give my wish list to. So I write it here and hope he sees it. Unfortunately, my wish list has turned to a need list.


Okay, you funny brother, I'm doing it again! How I miss following this crazy tradition with you. I'd give you a list and you'd laugh. I'd get maybe one thing on the list, but it was the tradition of the list that was important to me. So I'm carrying on the tradition here.

I remember the one Christmas when there was no money at all. You gave me a record, the only thing you could afford. That was the only gift I received that year. I was a Junior in high school. Then I was devastated. Now I see the sacrifice of what you did and the love behind it. I still have the record although I don't have a record player. That record is a symbol of your sacrifice that Christmas.

Here comes the list. Sending it to Heaven:

I need a small record player to play that record you gave me (see above).

I need a house, one I can live in outside the circle of Dothan, in a quiet place where there is no traffic or neighbors. One level so that I can get around easily. Quiet so that I can finally write again. I need to be happy. Oh how I wish I could wake up in a house of my own in a very quiet place and feel at home!

Since I'm stuck in an apartment, I need a storm door with glass that raises so that I can have fresh air come into this apartment. You can't raise windows and walk away. Since I'm ground floor, someone can crawl in. Storm doors can be locked and the window on them raised so that fresh air comes in.

So, my dear brother, since you are in Heaven and hopefully can read my wish list this year, I have some wants, too. I want an old vintage pie safe. I don't have space for dishes and have wanted a pie safe ever since grandma had one. But they are so expensive now. Top of my want list is a vintage pie safe.

Second on my want list is a big chair with ottoman. My sofa and loveseat are wearing out fast. It is hard to get up and out now that my body is consumed with arthritis and I have to pull myself up and steady with a cane. I want a big chair to rest in, an ottoman to raise my feet since they swell so badly from this horrible disease and the ton of meds I take. I guess it would also fall in need list.

I can hear you laughing now, my dear brother, for you could never fill the want or need list when you were here on this earth. The one wish I would put to the very top would be to have you, mama and daddy home with me for Thanksgiving and Christmas. But your home in Heaven is far better than this earth. I miss you, my dear brother, and long to see you again. Hoping the years won't be long before I am blessed to be "home" with you, mama and daddy.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Looks Like Holidays Have Begun

I saw a Christmas tree in the apartment manager's office yesterday. Tired of commercials for Christmas already. Sales Sales Sales. Even talk of Christmas parties have emerged.

I don't have a Christmas party to attend. I don't have any family to shop for. I don't have any family members to share Christmas or Thanksgiving with anymore. It is a very sad time of year for me.

If I could hybernate through the holidays, I'd be a happy woman. Instead I have to turn it off in my head and protect my heart from breaking. Never succeed at that attempt.

Hold on tight. The storms are about to begin.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

This is why I Hate Dothan

I was called on the carpet for calling the police about the loud music situation on the weekend. See post below. Truth is they didn't want the attention drawn to them for some reason.

Tired of having my rights called upon when I am quiet and never bother anyone. When I stand up for something that is driving me crazy, I get called on the carpet for it. This town is unbelievable.

I would give anything to have enough money to move out of Dothan. Life is too short, especially mine. I'd like to go out happy and at peace.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

You've Got to Be Kidding me!

He said "It is Sunday and I can play as loud as I want. I pay rent and won't turn it down." Of course, I said I would call the cops, but he didn't care. So I did. He's Spanish. Not sure if he understood everything I said so I would let the police tell him.

When I was heading over there, two small chickens came out of the bushes. My friend had seen him with them earlier and he told her he was raising them. Now I live in an apartment complex with over 100 apartments IN TOWN. There are two chickens running around in the bushes, sidewalk, parking lot.

Police came and talked to him which seemed to help. Left the chickens though. I called Animal Control. The recording told another number to contact on weekends. I was told there was no animal control officer on duty during the weekend and I would have to wait and call them tomorrow morning. What was the number for then?

There are still two chickens running around in front of my apartment. Not something to see everyday. Wish the Animal control would come and rescue them before someone runs over them!

Saturday, November 7, 2009


I am so thankful for Sandy treating me to a trip to Savannah, GA. It was beautiful! It was also very historical. We went on two ghost walks, were educated about Savannah and the haunted houses. Even stayed in a haunted hotel...someone kept rattling our door knob. Never saw one, but surely felt something going on.

Loved Mercer-Williams house. Wish we could have taken photos inside, but it was a "no touch no photos" kind of place. Went to Sorrel-Weeds house. Determined to be very haunted by the TAPS team. They were there on Halloween. We had one of their staff go on the ghost walk Sunday night. Was so cool!

So much in such a short time. Will sort out as I can. Recovering.