Sunday, December 27, 2009

Another Apartment Incident

I walked down to the office to mail four thank you cards last night. Tonight I walked down to mail another. When I arrived, the wooden slot had been torn from the wall and the two larger thank you cards I had sent were missing. I guess whomever broke into the box thought they had money inside. They didn't. They were going to two six year old boys. This place amazes me.

Another Trip to the ER & A NEAR Break In

What a wonderful way to spend Christmas! Yesterday I was hit by something hard. Was throwing up blood and passing blood through diahrea. After hours of this, I hit the floor and finally contacted Sandy to come help. When she arrived from Hartford, I couldn't walk to the door. Was too weak. So we called 911 for an ambulance.

They arrived quickly, but when asked which hospital I wanted to go to, they immediately said they would be happy to carry me to the car since I couldn't walk. Insisted if I went by ambulance I would have no guarantee of getting treated quickly at the ER. So they put me in a dining room chair and carried me to the car. Had I not been so sick, I would have been frightened.

Arrived at the ER by car. Checked in quickly. Triaged quickly and was sent back in the waiting room for an hour. Only three people in the waiting room. Had I gone by ambulance, I would have gone on back. They were NOT in any hurry to put me back either.

When I finally was placed in a room, it took forever for someone to come in. Luckily, I was given a good nurse last night. Doctor started off well. Wish x-ray and catscan techs would realize if you can't walk and if you're weak, you can't drag yourself from a bed to a table. Then I thought, "Hmmm, should have fallen off one of those tables and maybe I wouldn't have to worry about anything anymore."

Blood work showed high red blood count (very high dehydration) and high white blood count (very high infection). Combination lupus flare and stomach flu. Gave me pain meds and anti diarhea meds. Then at the end they did a stool smear. Actually, I had to do it because the nurse didn't want to.

Doctor never came back in. Nurse gave me test results. Now I could understand if the place was packed, but it wasn't. He was just walking around most of the time. Will Flowers ER ever become a real ER again?

The one thing that made me feel good was this. The women who want you to sign payment papers always come back when you're miserable and before you're treated. Last night I told her to come back after I received treatment and I'd sign her papers. She asked Sandy to sign and I told her no. Come back. Felt good to be in some control.

Sandy and I went to the store Wednesday night to get some ginger ale, soup and crackers. Came home to find my door jammed. She had to literally break it down, door frame and all. When we examined it, found out someone had tried to pry it open at the lock with what appeared to be a screw driver. In other words, someone tried to break in on me. She nailed the frame back in so that I could lock the door. I turned on the outside light that night, put a chair under the door and didn't sleep because I was afraid. You're so blessed to live in the country. What I wouldn't give to be able to sleep in secure peace.

The manager came the next day holding WD-40 saying sometimes these doors just stick. She examined it, too, and said "No, someone tried to pry open this lock. So she verified what we already knew.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

A New Wise Lesson

I've learned something this Christmas. Sometimes it is best not to have family. Better to not have someone destroying your soul than being alone in peace. I've also learned your life touches another whether you want it to or not. Your choice how it does it: make a difference or causes damage. I'd rather make a difference. I've seen too much damage. I'm thankful, too, friends are the best family you could ever have.

Friday, December 11, 2009

All I NEED for Christmas

The only thing I need in my life is a house outside the circle of Dothan. Outside of town. A house....with no houses around. A quiet place. Lord, please send me a house.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Just another Day

Just another day. Rainy. Painful physically. Empty emotionally. Sometimes I feel as though God is punishing me by placing me in a four walled jail never to see another person. No family. No one. Holidays make it so much worse. The only time I don't feel so overwhelmed is when I'm asleep. I get up in the morning praying today will be a better day and by the end of it, I'm in tears. Lonely, painful tears.

Those with parents, those with friends, those with family of their own just don't understand what this is like. Sad thing is most don't care outside of their own world. I've experienced that in so many ways over the past few years.

I open the med pill dispenser for the day and ask myself "why bother?" No purpose. No one needs me. I have no life.

God get me through this horrible month. Give me strength not to give up and stop breathing.