I didn't sleep much AGAIN. All I can think is "YOU have to get this under control or you'll have a stroke or heart attack." Didn't help that my rheumatology appointment was just a repeat of the pulminary doctor's appointment the week before. He just read the report and repeated the same thing. Never mind the extreme pain running through my body. Never mind the fever of 102 I walked in with that afternoon. Never mind the chest pain I've had for a week now. That was the one doctor's appointment I knew I could count on, the one doctor who listened and cared. I'm growing more afraid he's getting jaded as each year passes. Now with medicare changing, I'm afraid I'll fall down the rabbit hole. No doctors want to deal with it. Neither do they want to deal with the new health care of Obama. I'm still in extreme pain. I'm still having chest pains. I still can't sleep. What was accomplished? Nothing.
I woke up after a couple of hours of sleep and made a list of things that needed to be done today. There were six items. I did one. I'm wiped out. Not fair. It isn't fair!! I'll wait and ask Sandy to help me with the second one on Sunday as it is a heavy one. Move the desk.
I dreamed last night that Christmas came. God sent me an angel who handed me a box. Inside the box was a key and directions to follow. My best friend and I got into her car and followed the directions to a beautiful beach house, put the key in the door and opened it. Inside the door hung a sign that read, "Welcome Home." God had sent an angel to give me a house, no a home of my own. He put that home by the ocean so that He would sooth and heal my soul and body from those who have bullied me, beaten my life down, ignored my cries. And the gift was free. I woke up with the lightest heart and the most peace I'd found in a long time. If and when God sends an angel with a box, key and directions inside, I will gratefully accept His wonderful healing gift no matter where that gift may be.