Saturday, October 23, 2010


I don't get out much anymore. Head to the grocery store and the doctors/hospital. On rare occasions I do something different. Unless it is free, I rarely go. Seems the government has decided the senior adults and the sick and disabled will not have a cost of living in their benefits yet again this year. Food, medicines, electricity, etc. keeps going up, but our pockets stay the same. I think the one who makes this decision needs to live with this income for one year. Maybe they believe in "the strongest survive" theory. My strength is waining.

Doctors added a CPAP machine to my growing health arsenal a month ago. Has been hard getting use to sleeping with this thing. I saw the Pulmonary doctor yesterday. He told me my sleep test results as follows, "You tested critical. You are teetering on the edge of having a stroke or heart attack because of the many times you stopped breathing during your test. If we don't get this under control soon, you will have a stroke or heart attack." The addition of the aneurysm, thyroid, systemic lupus of 16 years, plus many other things have pushed me to this point. The fact I'm still not sleeping with the machine has made it worse. Lupus also causes strokes and heart attacks. I have also had a TIA in the past few years.

He put the fear of God in me, gave me another sleep medicine to try since nothing else is working and made another appointment to see me. Normally he doesn't do this with patients, just leaves it up to them to call if they have problems.

Next week is my Rheumatologist appointment. He treats my lupus. Always a surprise when I see him. Depends on the area of damage or flair. This time around may hit central nervous system. It is so difficult to have a conversation and not find words. Feels like someone is wiping away my vocabulary from a chalkboard. Lovely lupus damage.

Last Thursday of the month is a follow up colonoscopy. I say follow up because the last one showed pre-cancerous polyps. Since my insurance wouldn't pay for a year, I've had to wait to have another.

It has been a hard summer of lupus flares. They still haven't stopped. This time the pain has been difficult. People look at you and think you look great. They can't see the damage on the inside. Stress has caused 99% of the flares and damage. My doctor says environment is everything when you're sick. I've lived in an environment that has caused my health to take a nose dive this past year. Just praying for an open door to a safer place to live. It has been a horrible year.

On the edge of holidays. Soon everyone will be so busy with families. Please remember those around you who have no one. I'm sure there is someone living near you. Please take time to stop by and say hi, share a hug and remember them. It doesn't cost a thing to share time.

Asking for your prayers and sending up some for you!!

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