Wednesday, December 22, 2010

And the loneliness settles in...

Today was so quiet that the loneliness was magnified. So close to Christmas, I can literally hear the sadness radiating in my ears. I miss my mom, dad and brother so much. I miss my grandmother. So many others have gone on...aunts, uncles...all gone. If I didn't have Rascal, I wouldn't have a reason to get up. He is all I have in the world and I love him dearly.

Why does this time of year have to be so extremely lonely? I tried to rest more today, but it didn't work. My mind wouldn't shut off. I'm so exhausted from a lupus flare that doesn't want to heal. Just praying for a miracle this Christmas. Just wishing I could walk outside and enjoy fresh air without being afraid of attack. Please, Lord, help me.

The temps are running extremes from 70's to 30's and the barametric pressure is causing so much pain. I just want to sleep through this time of year so that my heart wouldn't hurt so badly. But I can't sleep. I'm in so much pain both physically and emotionally.

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