Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Alone

I've accepted what I have to do...have the stent. The hardest part is doing this alone, not having a family, someone to care, to be there. It has been so very hard dealing with the past few years suffering with this horrible illness plus its extensions alone. My last hospital stay, I was alone. Now I face another hospital stay after the stent alone. It guess that doesn't matter because I'm alone at home anyway. There has to be another place on this earth where the people are kinder, more loving, than where I live now. It has been so long since I've felt the love of a family that I've almost forgotten what it feels like. To me it hurts. When I see a family together, my heart aches because I know no matter how bad the situation, there is a bond of love there. Even though my family was an extreme battle ground and hard to deal with, I miss that connection, someone to care that I'm alive, to believe in me, to be there when I get bad news and know they will be there when I wake up.

There has to be a better place on this earth if I am meant to be on it. I can't bear just existing anymore. Something has to change. There has to be compassion somewhere.

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