Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Not a Candidate

My surgeon's office called back. Office person said my surgeon said the location of my aneurysm determined I am not a candidate for a stent. When time comes, I have to have open heart surgery to repair the aneurysm. And he said, "And let me take care of her thank you very much!" So she set up the catscan and x-ray for the first Wednesday of March. We'll see how much it has grown.

I didn't realize how much this thing has dictated what I do and don't do anymore. I am afraid of the surgery. Last Friday I watched the 20/20 show Barbara Walters did on open heart surgery, not due to aneurysms, but open heart still the same. I wanted to see what happened and what to expect hoping it would help calm my nerves. One thing she said calmed me more than anything else. If you die, you won't know it. If I die, I'll walk into Heaven. What better way to know it. Peace came. I'm okay again.

I've been so exhausted for the past six months. Can't function enough to walk much. Just going to the store wipes me out. I wonder if it is associated with the aneurysm. I've reached the point I want to have the surgery and get it over with. I want to be able to walk with stamina, have a life again.

I'm too tired to write anymore.

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