Monday, March 28, 2011


I called the surgeon's office last Wednesday morning to check on my test results. There was a long pause, I was asked to repeat my name, then spell my name and was put on hold for a long time. Afterwards a different person came back on to tell me the aneurysm is 4.8 cm. Repeat the scan in six months. I reminded her my insurance will only pay for once a year. So she repeated one year. I asked why no one had called to tell me my results. She said, "We received the results the first of the week, put them on the doctor's desk, and he reviewed them. He passed them on to us, but we kind of misplaced them. Terribly sorry for the inconvenience. Anyway, you don't have to do anything till next year."

I am thinking, "Oh never mind I have a time bomb in my chest. Never mind I'm waiting to hear if surgery is coming. Never mind I had to call you to find out my results. Never mind my doctor may not be here this time next year." I just told her thank you and hung up. No need in saying anything else.

Doctors are frustrating when they don't seem to care. Would it be a better world outside this state? Better health care? Better doctor care? Would I have a chance at a QUALITY of life or what's left of it? I think so. I just don't have the physical help to get there. It is so hard when you're alone and have no one to help you find a place to live or help you pack boxes or give you hope when you need it the most.

So many nights I've gone to bed and prayed I wouldn't wake up to see another day of hopeless no quality life. Instead of someone who has no idea what it is like to walk in these shoes pass hard judgement on me, I can't tell you how much a kind word or a hand reaching out to help me physically get out of here would mean to me. My hope has drained to the point of brokenness.

Is there any hope left?

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