Thursday, December 15, 2011

So Restless

I am not a fan of this time of year. So geared toward families. Magnifies the loneliness I feel and the loss I feel of my own family. I try to remember the purpose of Christmas is to celebrate the birth of Jesus, but my heart swells up with the memories of my own family and missing them so much. Friends take time off to be with their families which means I'm alone more. The silence is magnified.

Today has not been a good day. Weather keeps going from 40's - 75. NOT feeling like Christmas. It also beats up my body so badly. My lupus has hit a high flare. I'm restless, in extreme pain, and can do nothing about it. Sleep doesn't come. So tired of being alone.

Will 2012 be any better? I'm not talking about politics. I'm talking about changes, GOOD changes. Open doors. Blessings. A safe place to live...FINALLY. Oh how thankful I would be for a safe place to live! I've been trapped inside this tiny apartment for almost three years. How I miss being able to take a walk outside, get fresh air, dig in the dirt.

Faith...believing in what is not seen.

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