I haven't felt much like living lately, much less like living with lupus. It has been my enemy, my horrible constant companion. The emotional stress of my surroundings has caused such a horrible flare that I cannot function mentally or physically anymore. The once wonderful place I moved into has turned into another unsafe place to live. It is my surroundings that have made this illness worse. It is this town. It is this place. How I wish I could financially pull myself up and out of this town, out of this state before it puts me in the ground. So I pray. It is all I have left...prayer. Hope. Wait. I won't renew my lease here in December. I've been beaten up too much. My mind, body and soul have taken too much of a toll in the short four months I've been here. Where I'll go, who knows. I still pray for a better surrounding. Safety. Peace. I pray for the finances to pay the way there. Until then, I will have to resign myself to staying inside except to going to the doctor, hospital for tests, and grocery store. It isn't the first time I've been trapped in four walls.