Saturday, June 16, 2012

Another Day of Pain

Today was a day of bed rest. Seems the lupus flare won't let go. Fevers spiked. Swelling continued. I'm sick of meds. But I did get up today and feed the cat, talked with my dear friend in Ohio who calls to check on me. She's got a heart of gold. Amy's been close as a sister to me, a sister of my choosing. I'm so thankful for her. We met in college and have shared many laughs, many tears, frustrations, and joys. No matter how many years passed, our distance has not prevented our friendship from being close. I cannot tell her how thankful I am to have a friend like her. 

Today I wanted to go outside so badly, but I knew I couldn't do so. The complex is still not safe, especially my section. I met my next door neighbor yesterday when I returned from the hospital (tests). We never crossed paths until then. She works at the Medical Center and stays on the go all of the time. We share a wall, but I never hear her. I wasn't sure anyone lived there until I saw the doormat appear. She's a grandmother. A dear soul. She was telling me about the problems she encountered with the people downstairs and asked if I had any problems. She said she was going to the office Friday to talk to the manager. So, yet again, I am reassured it isn't just me. There are so serious problems at the bottom of our stairs and if they don't do something about it, there will be something bad to happen. I don't want her or anyone else to be the victim of their actions. 

Tonight I read a post on facebook from an old college friend. He said sometimes it was better to remove yourself from someone who was "poor me". I always thought it was better not to judge someone who was in great pain for you never know what their life was like or what they were going through. Too, isn't it better to show love and encouragement to someone whose heart is broken from life? I know that's what I need. There is no one to encourage me or love me during this painful struggle of illness. I have no family. I'm isolated 95% of the time. Instead of "shunning" someone because they appear to "bring you down", you should be sharing love to them, the kind your family so freely gives to you, the encouragement you are so richly given, instead of judging the life that is struggling before you. When someone is hurting, they don't need you to "guide them to the answer or guide them to the light." They just need someone to believe in them and love them. It is just that simple. 

It bothered me so much to read that comment. How can someone be so blind?  Is that why this world is so cold-hearted? 

Sometimes we all need someone just to believe in us and to love us. Otherwise, there's nothing left.

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