Thursday, June 14, 2012

Where There is Hope

Today I reminded myself where there is hope, there is a reason to keep on going. Lupus has really knocked me down the past few weeks. The stress of my living conditions has crippled my life tremendously. Living, or existing, inside because I'm afraid to go out in my apartment complex has impacted the flares I'm having. My joints are swollen, fevers, spending more time in bed from being sick in general. Swelling all over. So much fun!

 Thank goodness for that furry twelve year old feline, Rascal. If I didn't have him, I don't know what I'd do. He is my only company, my only family. He's there when I'm sick sleeping by my side. He's there when I'm crying, which seems to be more frequent lately. I will never understand why some people hate animals. They are more compassionate and loving than most people. I could never have survived the last few years of my life without him. 

I'm still on my knees every day praying God will send a miracle to get me out of here. I'm looking for a house in Wilmore, KY. Of course, miracles these days cost move, to put down deposits, etc. When you're living on $868.00 a month and your rent is $580, most of it is gone already. So I'm praying God will send me a miracle. He has sent many in the past. The most memorable ones came during my brother's cancer. Money came when we had none to get him to treatment in TX. Money came when we had none to pay his bills. People surrounded us when we needed love and support. Even though this world has changed into an uncaring, dangerous place, I still believe God will send me the same help he did my brother before he died. And I'll stay on my knees until He does and on my knees after. 

The stress is bad now. It has caused systemic lupus and the countless other illnesses spawned from it to be far worse than it has in the past, but today I woke up and if I wake up tomorrow, He must have a reason for me being here. There has to be something good around the corner. It has to be far better than what I've endured the last few years here.

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