Sunday, July 1, 2012

Amazing When It Hits You

The heat has finally arrived in Dothan. Extreme heat with extreme humidity. Hard to breathe. I've been outside two days in a row and now am running a fever from exposure. Knew better. Heat Always makes me sick. Where the cold seems to affect most lupus sufferers, the extreme heat makes my illness worse. I am so very thankful to have air conditioning. Without it, I wouldn't be here. There is no way I could breathe. So for the next week, I'll only open the door to get the mail. 

The Lt. Dan Band is playing for Ft. Rucker's 4th celebration. This time I found out before the fact. Unfortunately, I STILL can't go. HEAT and Humidity. So tired of being trapped inside wishing I could hear this band. Gary Sinise is doing a great thing here. Illness has shut my life down in more ways than this. Sometimes I wonder if it is worth it to get up the next day. 

I was listening to a friend talk on the phone the other day. She was talking about her job, stress, and her family. It never hit me hard until then that I am alone in the world. I knew I was alone, my family all dead, I had to deal with every problem that occurred by myself, but I just did it and went on. But I realized how much I missed out on because I was alone in the world. There is no one to say I love you, to hug, to encourage, to care for....I can literally hear myself breathing because I am so alone. It was overwhelming. 

There are many reasons why I want to move to Wilmore and am going to search for a place to live. I can't bear the stress of being bullied, living in crime and fear all of the time, being trapped inside 24/7 afraid to even walk outside my door, the heat making my condition worse (at least 8 months out of the year), and the list goes on. I want a chance to find friends, make my own  chosen family, even find a church that has to be different than the ones here. I just want a chance, a change of life, the opportunity to open my door and take a walk without the fear of someone attacking me, sit on a bench underneath a tree, volunteer when I might actually be needed again.  I'm alone in the world and I don't want to be anymore. 

There are obstacles.....finding a place in Wilmore. Money  for a moving company. I still have faith and no matter what people do or say, that faith is strong. I know doors will open. 

The heat in this room is overwhelming so I'm ending this post. Have to find a fan quick!

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