Friday, August 31, 2012

Playing it Smart

Today I was so thankful for the kindness of a friend. Shawnee allowed me to tag along on her grocery trip this morning to Nicholasville. I took the opportunity to stock up for the freezer and fridge. No more "bad choices" of walking across Wilmore in the heat and Sun. I knew better, but wanted so badly to beat this disease once and for all. Instead I found out the truth. Systemic lupus is affected by the sun and the heat. I have royally paid for my antics these past two days not venturing out past the front door. With swollen joints and fevers, I've spent more time in bed than sitting up. Walking across Walmart was a determined feat in itself. 

I learned no matter how much I change my thinking about this disease, it still controls my body. No matter how positively I think, I cannot think stupidly. Even though I hate taking all of those meds, they reduce the pain, swelling and other side effects. I'm stuck with them or will suffer. Personally, I don't like suffering, especially when I have no one to help me when I'm down. Believe me, I'd train Rascal if I could. 

I've learned overdoing it all in one fell swoop brings more pain than I can bear. It hurts to sit. It hurts to lay down. I cannot sleep. I cannot rest. I simply want to unzip my body and crawl out!

Even though I've suffered from this horrible disease for 17 years, you'd think I'd gain some wisdom by now. Instead I just keep making the same stupid mistakes. The only difference is this time the mistakes literally make me fall flat on my face. 

For all of you people who believe thinking positive will change it all, trust me, I've tried it. My body has been ravaged by systemic lupus. It doesn't work. I've mourned the loss of my heath. It has nothing to do with having lack of faith. In fact, my faith has never been so strong. Without it, I wouldn't be here now sharing all of this with you. 

Through sharing this update with you, I've had to stop several times, walk around, rest my swollen arms and hands, cry in pain. But I'm still here and there is a plan for my life. It may not be a grand plan where my life changes the earth, but God has a plan for this season of it. 

Time to return to rest. I want to see the Blue moon before turning in for the night and praying for release of this pain. Armed with OFF bug repellant and a new bug light in the outside light socket, I'm ready to fight those KY mosquitoes who have been feasting on me since I moved here. Boxes are still in corners of two bedrooms. One bedroom has an unpacked box on the bed. Tomorrow I will try again to accomplish putting those things in their place. I will also try to hold a pen in my hand to write thank you notes to those dear souls who helped me move to KY. 

Each day is a gift. If I accomplish one thing, I am thankful.

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