Friday, February 22, 2013

Day Two

Since the weather has been going up and down, rain coming in twice this week, it has left me weak and in extreme pain with swollen joints. I long to be able to run the vacuum cleaner again! My place is so messy! The cold has prevented me from doing anything except the basics this winter. There are short "clutter piles" where my strength ended and the pain began. Dust galore! I am ashamed to let anyone walk past the door. When warm air finally settles in, I will be able to move around again. When I am able to move around again, I will be able to clean. Until then the dust and clutter will be literally frozen in time.

I cannot stay in the room where my computer sits for a long period of time. It is just too cold. How this place reminds me of Laurel Ave in Dothan! Cold and drafty! If only I could find the stream of cold air that wafts through, grabs my body and pulls me down in pain. 

It is hard to explain to someone how much damage this disease has already done to my body on the inside. Wishing I had that sign I could wear around my neck on days when people ignorantly say, "You don't look sick." If they could step inside my body and feel the agony I feel, they wouldn't say such stupid things. But people don't seem to care about words anymore. They don't see the power behind them, the insensitivity, the hurt. 

If only people would take those words and use them for encouragement, what a wonderful world this truly would be! 

Yesterday I received an email with this comment, "Only the Lord can comfort your heart and give you peace in the midst of all of this." While I agree this statement to be true, it is also true that the Lord uses all of us to encourage one other, share compassion to those who are alone and suffering, and just love one another. It doesn't take much to say, "I CARE." I learned back in college too many people use the phrase "I'll pray for you" as a cop out. It is an easy way to say, "I'm not getting involved." 

If you say you'll pray for someone, do it, but also love them with your actions. DO something. Show them you care. If someone is hungry, feed them. If they need something and you have it, give it to them, if they need someone to care about them, CARE. Just two words make all the difference in the world - I CARE. Mean it. 

I've lived alone in the world for over 17 years now. I've encountered truly caring people and people who could care less. The truly caring people I could count on one hand. My heart has learned to discern those who don't care. It still doesn't stop my heart from breaking. I'm sensitive, tender-hearted. Always will be. I believe in compassion. 

I also believe in helping someone because they need it. Giving encouragement because they need it, not because it is something that will make the other person feel good about themselves. 

I was taught in college to make a difference in the lives around me. I was taught by life (the hard way) what a huge difference in makes when someone cares enough to make a difference in your life. 

And then you pass it on in hopes someone will continue to give love, compassion, meet needs. 

Rambling again. It has become too cold to sit in this room. Time to curl up under the blanket once more and thaw out in hopes the pain will subside. 

Tell someone YOU CARE. Make a difference. Pass it on.  

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