Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Doctor Update - My Heart is Broken

The doctor called yesterday after he viewed the MRI. It was not good news.

He said the loss of feeling in my feet and legs is due to neuropathy (as I was diagnosed before) and there is nothing that can be done about it. If the neuropathy had been caused by diabetes they could reverse it by medication by adjusting sugar levels. Since I do not have diabetes, it is systemic lupus causing the neuropathy and there is nothing that can be done to stop or reverse its progress. The nerves will continue to die and I will continue to lose feeling in my legs up to the top of my thighs.

He did diagnose me with spinal stenosis with a bad disc pressing on the spine, but said it was not at the stage for surgery yet. He said there was a lot of arthritis present in my back and spine and for now I would have to live with it. So as I walk, concentrating on every step I take, the pain will increase in my back. This will limit my mobility even more. Standing for a period of five minutes or more will make it extremely hard.

I had hoped so much there would be a reversal and I would be able to walk with feeling in my feet and legs again and rid my back of pain. So I am "mourning" the loss all over again and readjusting in my mind the acceptance of living with this condition. I can almost compare it to someone telling me my brother was alive and then finding out they were wrong. It was mistaken identity.

To say my heart is broken would be correct. 

I am so thankful God is made strong in our weakness because right now I am at my weakest point. I need His strength to carry me. People come and go in life, but He has been there through every death, struggle, failure, success, joy, memory, loss I've had. I know He will be there through this when people will walk away. Many have already done so. 

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