Friday, March 15, 2013

A Long Lonely Week

It has been a long lonely week. I've spent most of it inside just trying to accomplish one task a day. Lupus has been very active this week. The pain has been terrible.

I want to go outside! I want to walk down to the college library! I want to get out and enjoy fresh air! But the rain is coming back in and pain sits on my body like an elephant crushing the breath out of me. I can't function mentally or physically. It hurts so badly I want to unzip my body and put it beside the road for trash pick up.

Most people can take a nap and be renewed. Doesn't work that way for me. If I'm blessed to get any sleep, I am not renewed. The pain is still there and the "rung out like a wet rag" exhaustion is overwhelming. The cold temps have made it worse. Although it is warmer outside, it is still very cold inside my apartment. Can my body tolerate another winter in this cold, drafty place?

When it is cold inside my apartment, my body freezes up in pain. When my body is in pain, I cannot clean, pick up after myself, or function in normal ways. It has been a long winter of not being able to function.

It is a cloudy day. Rain is coming in for the weekend - a lot of rain. So tired of being in pain.

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