Thursday, March 28, 2013

It's Doctor Day

Not what I planned to do today. I was awakened with a phone call this morning.

"The doctor will not be here for your appointment next Friday. Can you come today at 1:30?"

"HMMMMM....do you have another day???"

"Yes, but it will be in May."

"Let me think a minute. Okay. I'll take the time. If I can't come, I'll call you back."

So I called my friend and set the time. Luckily it is in town, but still too far for me to walk. She's behind the doctor's office so I can walk over when my appointment is done.

When you have a chronic illness like systemic lupus, you need to know ahead of time what your day will look like. You need to be able to plan your time so that you can have enough energy to do what you can for the important things. Had I known ahead of time, I would have gone to bed early, slept better (hopefully), taken a shower at night to save energy for today.

Instead, I'm wiped out already and it is just 11:00 a.m. I'm not even dressed yet. I'm exhausted. Pain set in yesterday. I could barely walk, sit up, lie down for long period of times. My hands are swollen. My hands are so painful I can barely use them. Yes, a flare has set in.

When a flare sets in, all I want to do is crawl under the blanket and pray it goes away soon. I pray for sleep so that I don't have to live in the horrible daily pain I feel when I'm awake.

When I go to the doctor, I sit for hours waiting. Then comes the questions, blood tests, etc. By the time the doctor comes in, I can't think clearly anymore. Pain has overcome my body so much that all I want to do is go home. After all, there is nothing he can do to stop it. There is nothing he can do to cure the disease. The appointment is just to check on my progress and to keep a record. The appointment is to see if I need to renew any prescriptions.

But the appointment does more damage than help. I am in more pain when I leave than before I arrive. The pushing on joints, extreme exhaustion from the disease, blood test, waiting, waiting, waiting, etc. I cannot function for the rest of the day. I truly hate it.

I have to go to several doctors because of my illnesses. Next month I'll have to see two more. Expensive financially. Expensive physically.

Time to push myself again and get dressed. Will be a slow process today because I am in so much pain.

Remember to be kind to each person you meet today. You don't know the road they've traveled.

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