Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Stuck Among the Muck

So many days I feel stuck among the muck. Wading through the day to day chores of life only to slam into a brick wall when I run out of steam. With lupus, you only have so much strength in a day. Mine is very limited. Haven't seen a lot of steam in a very long time.

But today I pushed hard. Got up. Got dressed and waited to be picked up for Bible study. Time passed. Passed some more. No one came. I realized by 9:30 no one was coming. I don't know what happened in the passing on of information, but I knew my efforts of pushing forward was futile today. So I put myself back to bed to rest.

After a couple of hours, I realized how much I needed the extra rest. Some of the extreme pain I felt in the morning had subsided. Having to save this ill planned day, I decided to do chores I could not do last week due to being so sick. Laundry - and lots of it. Tent city in the kitchen and bathroom again as it dried. Dishes that had piled up in the sink. Vacuuming the floors.

Tomorrow is recycle day. So I carted the recycle can and broken down boxes to the road. Now I can't move a muscle - mentally or physically. UPDATE: Wilmore Recycle decided to pick what they wanted to recycle and left a mess beside the road. I had to go out this morning and pick up stray boxes they didn't take. They didn't bother to empty my recycle can. So I parked it by the apartment and there it will sit. This isn't the first time they didn't empty it. I just don't have the strength to cart it out every other week for them to decide how they feel that day. The mailman and I had a discussion about why they didn't take the stray boxes. We both came to the conclusion that there was NO excuse.

And the phone rings. It is the nurse/wife of my rheumatologist who has a question about my prescriptions for the local pharmacy and the name of my primary physician. My mind is blank. I have to dig for the information through the jungle which is my purse. Her questions are confusing so the conversation takes awhile. Lupus brain - lupus fog.

I have opened the front door so that I can look out the storm door. Birds are everywhere. It is still cold here. Spring may be tomorrow, but the temperatures here are still freezing at night. Today is 48 degrees. I'd rather have cooler temps than sweat in the heat. Not a summer fan.

Rascal gave up on me hours ago. He is snuggled on top of the electric blanket on my bed. Smart cat. Buddy is rambling somewhere in the neighborhood. A friend saw him chasing a squirrel the other day. I found the remains of a bird near the trash can. I'm sure it was his handywork.

I started a patchwork quilt five years ago. Have been trying to finish it ever since. All I have to do now is to finish the binding (by hand) and put in the ties throughout the blocks. My sewing machine has died so it may be my last one until I am able to get another one. I worked on the binding last night. Two more sides to go. It isn't perfect at all, but I like it. I guess that is all that matters.

Next project is to finish embroidery on two curtain panels I started last July. Would like to hang them on the back door window. Would let in more light. So hard to sew by hand when you have lupus and osteoarthritis. But I love to sew.

My body still feels like it is stuck among the muck today. I feel like I am wading through mud. At least I'm not "one step forward and ten steps back."

 I've made a "to do" list for this apartment. Since I've moved, I've just relocated stuff from one room to another. With the Wilmore yard sale coming in June, I've started a yard sale box. When I see something I won't use, it goes into the box. Slow go, but progress.

Right now I think the "Muck" has gotten the best of me. It will be an early night. My gas gauge hit empty several hours ago.

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