Sunday, April 7, 2013

In A Not So Perfect World

In a perfect world there would be no illness, no loneliness, no arguing, no death. In a perfect world there would be no suffering, no need for doctors, or medications. But this isn't a perfect world.

It is filled with people who have illnesses that last a lifetime (chronic), who live in families who fight all of the time, or worse who have nothing to do with each other. Or people who are alone in the world leaving them to be consumed with loneliness, the kind you couldn't explain if you tried.

My doctor put me on a new medication two weeks ago. It was designed to ease the pain of my spine and legs so that I could walk better. Neuropathy has already taken the feeling in my legs from my knees down to the tips of my toes. It is permanent - second opinion. Now neuropathy is setting in from my knees to the tops of my thighs. First comes the pain while the nerves die. Then the numbness sets in.

It hurts to walk, at least it hurts my back and upper part of my legs. The new medication was just too strong. I felt as though I was in a coma and couldn't shake it off. No one should have to live like that - even when they don't have a life. The bottle itself was held together with all kinds of warning labels. It should have come with alarm bells, too.

So I can take the pills and lose what is left of my mind, ease the pain and stay in a permanent coma stage, or not take the pills and live in pain.

Sometimes I wonder why I am still here. I did what I was suppose to do - took care of my mother when she was sick and dying, took care of my brother when he was sick and dying, took care of my dad when he was sick and dying. Now I am chronically sick and slowly dying. There is no cure. The damage has been done. There are no doctors interested in finding more answers to my health. I am one of the many who are alone in the world - no family. No one to run to in times of need. No one to look after me should I get so sick I cannot continue to take care of myself.

If only this were a perfect world. If only we could wish for someone to care enough to reach out and say, "I'm in it for the long haul. I'll make sure you find the best of the best doctors who will help. I won't let you down." But people always let you down. It is part of their nature. Most don't reach past their own families...their own security wall.

Just think what kind of ideal world this would be if one person took time to care about someone who was alone and lonely and that person passed it along. Instead of fear we would harvest love. What a concept! So many people talk and preach on love, but their actions don't go past the words they speak.

Others use their words to say "I give to charity." That's all well and good, but what about doing something one on one? See someone in need and actually DO something for that person? It only takes a moment to show an act of love.

It will never be a perfect world, but coming from someone who is alone in the world, who struggles with a lifelong illness, who sometimes wonders why she's still here, it would make all the difference in the world for someone to say to me, "I'm in it for the long haul!"

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