Thursday, May 30, 2013

Flares Are Subsiding

Seems my flares are subsiding a bit even though the heat is rising in Wilmore. With the heat comes misery for me. My meds raise body temperature which means high 70's-mid 80's makes me swell and not tolerable to the heat.

I was treated to lunch yesterday by my friend, Julie. Someone had given her a gift certificate to Solomon's Porch here in Wilmore. It was so nice to sit and have lunch without worrying about counting pennies. I was so thankful to be invited! Solomon's Porch is a nice little place. Wish it were here when I was in college. The owner says they get more seminary students than college students. Perhaps seminary students have more money! You can tell who students are - always sitting in front of laptops or books. How I wish I could go back to school! If ever I win Publisher's Clearing House, I will go back to school and take classes I've always wanted to enjoy.

Just a short time outside yesterday stopping to run a couple of errands wiped me out. The weather guy says KY is experiencing July temperatures. If Mid 80's are July temps, I'll be excited! In Alabama, July temperatures are 100's with 90 degrees at night. Will be glad when the cooler temps arrive in a couple of days. Just being able to function is hard.

Systemic lupus chooses which area it wants to attack. Monday and Tuesday, it chose to attack my digestive system. It felt as though someone had dropped a match in my tummy. I was so sick from throwing up that I didn't know what else to do but hang out in the bathroom. My body continued to sweat hard hoping it would sweat out the poison that continued to wreak havoc on my system.

 I'm still weak from that episode. Woke up in a cold sweat last night from breaking a fever. It upsets me so much when people say "Well you look good," because that translates into "you don't look sick to me." It isn't meant as a compliment. It is meant as a judgement.

Heading home from our errands yesterday, a song came on the radio. It was about a man who was an alcoholic who shed his labels and said he was now the child of the King. Talked about how we should shed labels and not live in the past. I believe this, too, but it is so hard to do so when there are so many people standing in line to stick MORE labels on you. I've had so many "labels" stuck on me the past 18 yrs. from this disease that if I pulled them all off, the sticky would attract so much dirt I couldn't scrape it all off. No matter how much I rid myself of "labels" there are more people waiting to put more on, silently snuff out the small amount of self esteem I have left, pass judgement from one sided stories.

Yesterday was the first time I went out in three days. I encountered two people: The first was a lady who was so kind to me when I visited a local church back in October of last year. We shared a mutual friend that did not work out on my end because the mutual friend was harsh, judgemental, selfish and controlling. So I backed away. Never said a bad word. I ran into the lady yesterday and could feel the cold response coming from her. She didn't have to say anything. I knew my name had been slandered. When we left the restaurant, she never looked up at me. I knew then I had been part of the gossip at lunch. Stomp and label.

When we walked outside to leave, we ran into a very nice man who attends our writing group. He was with a friend of his. The friend was friendly and open to my friend, shook her hand and talked to her. When our writing group friend tried to introduce me, he all but ignored me. Invisible. Stomped. Ignored. Labeled yet again. Afterwards I reviewed the conversation in my head and Labeled him as well - he came from Florida, his sister is a doctor in Dothan, therefore it explains his rude behavior.

I cannot help but wonder no matter where I go will I always be invisible, judged, treated badly because of one sided stories? Is it no wonder why I have retreated to be a somewhat hermit in my life? No matter. If people choose to build themselves up by telling lies, I won't follow their example. I refuse.

God says in His Ten Commandments number nine: "You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor." So many times I hear people telling one sided bad things about a person because it didn't work out to their benefit. Is that not bearing false witness? Isn't gossiping to another, which destroys the person's character, false witness?

I'm not a perfect person by far, but I want people to be honest with me. In turn, I will be honest with them. It is a trait I hold dear. When I see someone I know is a Christian repeating false witness passed on by someone who didn't get their way, continuing to destroy someone's reputation from one side of the story, it makes me sick. They should know better. It is far more damaging coming from them. If they want to know what really happened, why don't they ask the person? Just my two cents. False witness destroys lives. It hurts to the core. And it destroys a Christian's witness in an instant.


As the day came to a close, a knock came to my door. It was my next door neighbor. Her small son had a pink rose in his hand. She had a bowl of fresh picked lettuce from her garden. They did not know how much I needed their kindness yesterday. She said she gets roses from her job all of the time and wanted to share that one with me. It just excited her son to give it to me. It lightened my heart! The lettuce was my dinner - a fresh salad.

My apartment is still a mess. Boxes with items scattered, ready to be labeled for a yard sale. Floors that need to be mopped. Dishes that need to be washed. I just don't have the strength. I have the systemic lupus "rung out wash rag" extreme fatigue. Looks like Rascal has caught it from me as he sleeps on the sofa.

I'm thankful God reminded me not all people are the same. My heart was a bit broken yesterday when I encountered those people and wondered if I would ever toughen enough to not be so tender hearted. I don't think so. Too compassionate. I'm thankful to be compassionate.

It makes me so very thankful for the wonderful people God has put into my life. They make all the difference in the world.

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