Wednesday, May 1, 2013

May Day

It is the first day of May. Temps reached 85 today according to the thermometer on my porch. When they get into the 80's, my lupus gets stirred up again. Heat and cold - not my friends. But by Friday it will be 69 degrees, a break in the heat.

I know summer is coming and I'll have to spend more time inside. I've always been an indoor prisoner due to the effect of lupus, sun and heat. But recently I've found myself indoors a great deal. The pain patches are working, but their not miracle patches. The pain is still there - just numbed a bit.

I have to face the fact I'll be in pain for the rest of my life. It has slowed me down to a crawl. Standing at the sink washing dishes sets my back into spasms. My legs go numb from the top of my thighs down to the bottom of my toes now. I have grown use to no feeling from my knees down. I have accepted the fact the feeling will not return. I just wish the pain would go away!

At night I crawl onto my beat up mattress which also affects my back pain. Last night I couldn't get up. I woke up in a "dip", my muscles in a spasm, and had to twist myself out hoping to pull up and out. There was no one to help me no matter how hard I cried. Unfortunately, a cat cannot pull you up when you're in trouble.

It scares me sometimes. What will I do if I cannot get up, cannot reach the phone, and am stuck there?

Last year I bought a back massager. Work wonders! When I moved, I lost the adaptor. Had a spare adaptor, but it wouldn't fit. Seems as though you have to use THEIR adaptor!'s-soothing-5-motor-full-cushion-massager/ID=prod1015885-product

So now it sits draped over a chair.

My TENS unit doesn't work well either. It loosens the pain, but it only works while the unit is on.

The patches last for two hours. The pills last for five.

So what is the answer? I don't know. After eighteen years of suffering with systemic lupus, knowing there is no medication for it, no cure for it, etc., the only thing I can do is try the next thing that MIGHT work, relieve the pain.

It is May. I want to go outside and sit in the sun, but I cannot. Sun causes flares. I want to plant flowers, but my funds are devoured by the costs of medications. I can't afford flowers. I miss my mini roses. They had grown so big before I had to leave them behind.

My neighbor has planted peonies. I love peonies! Will have to enjoy them from the window.

I miss my sewing machine! It died back in December. Want to start a new quilt so badly, but my hands just won't hold a needle for a long period of time. Hate Lupus! Hate arthritis!

Time to pull the electric blanket off the bed again. I think warmer days are ahead. Thank Heavens! I actually turned on the fan this week. If I had been in Alabama, the fan would be turned on in early March. The air conditioner would be in full swing. I'm putting off the air conditioner as long as possible. There's one good thing about living in a freezing cold place in the winter - it is cooler in hot weather!

I hung out sheets and towels in the sun early today. Sandy's brother put up two lines when I moved. My neighbor has used the line repeatedly because she washes every day. I finally caught an opportunity where the line was empty. When I went outside to take them in, she was hanging out more wash. I would hate to have her water bill! Unfortunately, mine went up again! $68! I don't understand why! I'm back on the "look for a leak" watch again!

Shortly after I took in the sheets, one of the lines fell. She actually "wore it out!" I looked out the window a moment ago and her husband still hasn't put it back. Pretty sad when you wear out a clothesline that was strung with new line and tight as can be!

Oh how wonderful those sheets smelled! Reminded me of my childhood. I plan to use the line more so she'd better move over!

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