Saturday, May 11, 2013


I don't think it is the pain patch! So I've narrowed it down to something Rascal picked up on his fur coat when outside in the grass and then transferring it to me. I tried cortisone cream, pimple cream (to dry it up), rubbing alcohol, etc., to get rid of the itch and stop it from spreading, but nothing worked. Then I tried antibacterial hand stuff. Stopped the itch, but I'm still getting the bumps here and there. If this doesn't clear up by mid week, I'm calling the doctor's office and letting him deal with it.
Spent the evening with two friends last night. We had a wonderful vegetable lasagna (thanks, Julie!) and watched "Lincoln" (thanks, Chris!). The movie, like history reports, focused on slavery as the main reason of the War between the States.

 I traced my family's ancestry a few years back. During that time, I found my great-great grandfather, Emmanuel Riley, who died in that war. It was a horrible bloody battle. He was buried like so many other soldiers in an unmarked grave. His brothers all fought in the war. None of them owned slaves. They were poor. The only thing they had was farm land and a lot of mouths to feed. These were poor farmers...traced all the way down the line. These men did not fight because of slavery. They fought to hold on to the only thing they had - their land. Even in "Lincoln" a character mentions how he intends to take away the enemy's land. Of course, this isn't focused on nor emphasized for long. But the Rileys found for the land they farmed, the land that provided a home for their families and food for their children. Death came to brothers. Injuries that were not healed came to many. Widows had to struggle to care for the many children once the men were dead.

Just like anything political, one aspect is focused on. Just one aspect. There were many more. The Rileys were not wealthy land owners, slave owners or political men. They were just hard working farmers. So many of the men who died were simple hard working men who were just trying to save their land and protect their families. Amazing how history records only one aspect.

The rain has been so heavy the past two days. It has brought back the lupus pain once again. How I wish I could wake up in the morning and have the strength to clean my home from top to bottom, do simple things like wash dishes, vacuum, sweep and mop. I still have boxes stored in the closet that are still unpacked. It takes all the strength I have to function on days like this, days when the rain is so heavy that it feels like an elephant is crushing my chest when I try to breathe.

How I wish people could understand how hard it is for me to function. If I do anything one day, and I do mean anything from going to the grocery store or going to a friend's house, I am physically unable to function the next day. My body shuts down. The pain is intense. I wondered for a long time if people just didn't care. Then I wondered if they just didn't listen or try to understand. I can tell a friend the rain sets off severe pain and keeps me from functioning and the same friend will ask me to do something the next day. Did she listen to anything I said? I have long since known people don't understand what it feels like unless they are going through or have gone through something similar. Can't blame them there. But sometimes I wish people understood how hard it is for me to function. If I could do things on a day to day basis, I'd be working again (something I miss terribly!).

As the rain pours down outside, I sit here in this chair typing with swollen hands, pain so bad my hair hurts, and a numb heart. Eighteen years of damage shows its ugly side when I am at my weakest. Today is one of those days.

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