Saturday, June 8, 2013

A Night of Hell

It is 2:30 am in Wilmore. The town is quiet. Night creatures are making their way from point A to point B in search of food.

Rascal is sleeping as closely as he can to be near me. He knows how very sick I am tonight. I spent the past four hours throwing up intensely and running on the other end. I'm running a horrific fever of 103 degrees. I'm shaking so badly, just can't warm up no matter how many clothes I put on. Snuggling my feet under Rascal doesn't help to warm them up.

I feel my insides fighting to wrench out even though there's nothing left at this point Is it lupus?? Is it diverticulitis? It could be either. Could it be food poisoning? I will NEVER eat Chinese food again. Ever. I forgot how rice gets traps in the diverticuli pockets. Never again. What should take a few hours to clear my system, took thirteen hours and a great deal of pain. Its exit was not pretty.

I am so weak and so sick. I know I need to go to the ER, but it is too late to call someone. If I were in AL, I would have called Sandy She would not  have hesitated. I miss her friendship so much

I don't have anyone to help me I don't have anyone to call when I am so sick. It costs too much to call an ambulance. How I hoped Wilmore would have blessed me with a friend who would be there during days when I was suffering. I'm so hopeless.

In my dreams God sent me someone who cared enough to say "I'm in it for the long haul, I will always be there when you need me, I'm a phone call away." Those dreams gave me hope. Oh person of these dreams how I wish you were real tonight. I wish you were here to help me.

My biggest fear is dying alone. My health is fading so quickly now and that fear will become a reality. There is a note posted in my apartment to call Sandy when someone finds my body and to leave Rascal in the apartment until Sandy can get here to pick him up. Don't uproot him. Sandy will take him home. My life insurance policies are up to date, power of attorney to Sandy, and will to her. She knows what to do. My body will be taken back to Newville Old Center Methodist Church to be buried next to my brother in the plot I bought when he died, There is my headstone waiting for the death date to be carved,

What scares me the most about dying is my body being left unknown for days or weeks before anyone notices something is wrong, There is no one who comes to check on me. No family. No dear friend who has seen the importance of this task. Oh man in my dreams who will be there for the long haul, please help me, Don't let me die alone.

Tonight I lay on the bathroom floor throwing up, running diarrhea, for four hours, dehydrated. My body too weak to walk to the kitchen to get water. Crying because my greatest fear may come true. I threw up blood at the end where the greatest pain came, I put a pain patch on my stomach hoping it would seep into the anger in my belly, ease the damage there so that I could finally find sleep.

Water is not helping me, I need diet ginger ale, but I am too weak to walk to the store to get some. Sweet angel please bring me diet ginger ale.

I can't fight horrific pain and agony like this alone, Please, Lord, send me a compassionate friend who will stand firm beside me through this nightmare I face,

I am so thankful for my Rascal, His love has been consistent and compassionate. People could learn so much from him,

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