Saturday, June 8, 2013

Weak As A Kitten

I fought off the fever. It took several hours before it broke. Stopped throwing up around 3:30-4:00 a.m. Sleep did not come until hours later and not for long.

I was afraid to close my eyes, afraid to drift off, afraid to think of myself alone, unable to call for help if I needed it. The phone in my hand, my head propped up on three pillows, my throat raw from throwing up for hours, I could not fight the weakened state of my body anymore. I simply passed out from dehydration and exhaustion.

Rascal woke me up two hours later to feed him even though I could not walk past the door. It was several hours later before I could manage that act of love.

I feel as though a mack truck has run over me, backed up and run over me again. It must have been food poisoning. The symptoms pointed directly to it. Still running fevers. Still having diarrhea. So thankful not to be throwing up. Just so weak.

Since I have a chronic illness like systemic lupus, my immune system is already weakened. The food poisoning just mowed me down. The next few days will show how the lupus will respond to the attack on my body.

I am still alone. Wishing I had a family member I could call. Wishing I had someone in my family who was just in the apartment with me. Just having someone near is comforting.

But there is no comfort. No encouraging words. No one to bring me soup. No one to bring me fluids. Makes dealing with unexpected sickness so hard. Makes dealing with a chronic illness like lupus nearly impossible.

I am as weak as a new born kitten. Sleep please come.

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