Monday, July 8, 2013


Even though the rain hurt, I enjoyed the low temperatures so much! Now the heat is back. When I walked outside to go to water aerobics this morning, my breath was taken away. Heat makes me terribly sick. Rain makes me terribly sick. Cold makes me terribly sick. My doctor was so right - lupus patients are walking barometers.

Now I won't be able to go to water aerobics anymore. The pool is just too cold. When I crawl into a freezing pool, my joints freeze up, pain is horrible, and within a few moments I cannot move. I lasted thirty minutes today and that was with pushing myself. When I came home, I landed in bed the rest of the day because the pain was so bad. Today is my last day trying to push myself in freezing pool water. Sad, too. It is the only exercise I can do. When you can't feel anything past your knees, have little strength in your body to walk a few blocks, etc., your options are limited. I'll miss it, but when something does more harm than good, it just isn't worth it. After all, I'M the one who has to take care of me. No one else will do it.

Sad when you have a craving and can't go and get it! Today I've craved ice cream - chocolate ice cream! Oh what I wouldn't give to have chocolate ice cream! But it is too hot for me to walk several blocks to get it and if I did, it would be a big puddle by the time I finally made it back home. I've learned to do without so much because living on $800 a month is next to impossible. But when you have no one to get it for you, that also removes the possibility of filling the cravings.

I'm so tired, so very tired tonight. Lupus fatigue has set in. When I was in the pool today, I felt the fevers setting in. Will it ever settle down enough for me to recover? How I wish I had my family still - someone near. When you're sick, you need that comfort. It is so hard when you're alone in the world.

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