Sunday, July 21, 2013

HURTING!

Last night I went to the local free concert on the green here in Wilmore. Sat with some friends. It was too hot to do so, but I went any way. Sat in the shade. When the sun peaked through the trees, I moved my chair.

After a short while, I realized my chair didn't feel right. It felt uneasy. Something told me to get up and out. I didn't listen. Then the back leg crumbled and down I went! I hit hard on the ground, hit my head and landed on my right side. It literally knocked the wind out of me. I couldn't move for a few moments. My chest starting hurting and immediately I thought about the impact on the aneurysm near my heart.

"Be careful of falls. Impacts can cause the aneurysm to tear," the doctor said.

I didn't move for awhile because I wanted to make sure I didn't tear the aneurysm.

When I was able to pull myself up and onto a bench, I realized how dizzy and hurt I was. People who had set up the chairs checked to make sure I was okay. One lady said she tried to double check them to make sure there were no cracks in them. After what happened to me, it wasn't long before they replaced a chair with another person near me. They found a crack in a leg of her chair.

I sat through the first part of the concert, but left at the break. When I tried to stand up, my knees buckled under me. When I arrived home, I took meds, ibuprofen and crawled into bed. It was several hours before I could breathe normally again.

Today I've been in bed except during times to feed the cat. The right side of my body is bruised and frozen in pain. My spine and lower back are more damaged than before. It will take longer for that area to heal.

Someone said, "Her pride is more hurt that she is." That hurt me worse than the fall. People really don't get it. They don't realize how much severe pain I suffer with from the time I open my eyes until the time I close them at night. This fall just made it worse.

Pride? I haven't had that in so many years I wouldn't know it if it bit me in the butt. I have nothing to be proud about. Be careful of your words. They can do more damage than you think.

It is times like these that make life so hard. Most days I can deal with the suffering this disease and its offspring brings. Today I can't. I want a family member here with me. Life is just too hard to do this alone. I'm tired. I'm tired of being sick, tired, and suffering. I'm tired of counting pennies trying to make it to the end of the month. I'm so tired of explaining why I can't do normal things others take for granted. I'm so tired.

My life the next week: healing from a fall. What I wish my life would be: normal work week filled with family and friends.

My verse for today: "Kind words bring life, but cruel words crush your spirit." Proverbs 15:4

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