Friday, August 30, 2013


Heat is not kind to those with lupus. It has been terribly hot the past few days. It has almost felt like Alabama heat here in Wilmore. High 90's and humidity. The stress from dealing with rude people (customer service) added to the extreme heat and humidity, lack of sleep, have all come to a head for me. Yesterday my abdomen started swelling. Joyful lupus has decided to take it out on my digestive system.

By the time I arrived back home from my Bible study last night, my abdomen has swollen so badly that I could barely get undressed. When this happens, and it has happened more times than I could count, there is no lying down to sleep. Propping up on pillows or sitting in a chair are the only ways to rest. There is too much stress on my lungs and abdominal area. I'm so tired!

We take so many things for granted: being able to stand in the shower, brushing our hair and teeth without pain, lying in bed at night. When I have a horrible flare like this, I can't do any of those things without severe pain. Added stress just makes it worse. So many times I wish I had someone who would buffer the stress of life for me, be there when I was unable to walk to the kitchen just to get something to drink, or just hear a voice that wasn't on tv.
My greatest fear is dying alone. I don't want to die alone, but unless I'm in the hospital before I die, chances are likely I will. It is just my reality.

Heat go away! Humidity go away! I can't wait for the cool air of Fall to waft in and take away the swelling. I want the opportunity of walking outside my door and being able to walk around the neighborhood again. It has been a long summer. I haven't been able to go out for a walk since June. The summer months make a prisoner out of me. They are just so hard on my system.

I'm thankful for Rascal. He knows when I'm sick and sticks by me. Sweet feline. If only people were that faithful and caring.

Today would have been my Daddy's 92nd birthday. He has been gone 17 years now. I've been alone that long. No family. Drudging through life with all of its problems. Dealing with this illness. Facing dreaded holidays alone. It never gets easier.

I see fireflies outside my window. The heat doesn't seem to chase them away. I will miss them when Fall comes, but I won't miss the heat.

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