Saturday, August 3, 2013


Extreme lupus fatigue! It has been a week of extreme lupus fatigue. Most will say "I'm tired, too! What makes this any different?"

Glad you asked. Systemic lupus fatigue is different. It feels as though someone has taken your body, wadded it up like a wet rag and wrung it out. Doesn't bounce back with rest. Just leaves you with no strength at all. You're too tired to walk across the room, too tired to chew. Too tired to do anything. The fall I took a couple of weeks ago sent pain through my body. I knew the flare would show up soon.

I tried to explain how it felt to walk on feet and legs you couldn't feel. Today I thought of a great description. The next time your feet "go to sleep" so to speak, immediately stand up and try to balance. Walk on them. That is how it feels.

I've not been on the internet much this week because I have been feeling so bad. If only there was a magic wand to wave to clean my home, but there isn't. So the stacks will remain, the floor will be vacuumed later, clothes will be hung up at a later date. It is so much easier for people to pass judgement on someone than to try to understand what they live with on a day to day basis. I've learned it is impossible to explain what life is truly like for me.

If I could afford to hire someone to come in and clean for me just one time, I would do so but I cannot. So the dust and floors will wait for a day when I can stand and balance on two feet I can no longer feel.

My friend called me this afternoon. She watched "Pay It Forward" for the first time. It impacted her life. I remember when the movie first hit the screen. It inspired people to make a difference in the lives of those around them and to pass it on. What happened? Why don't people do this anymore? Instead of wasting time passing judgement on someone's home, how they dress, what they do or don't do for a living, why not meet a need and pass it on? It would be a better world if more people did this. I wish more people cared.

I wish this world was filled with more compassion.

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