Saturday, October 26, 2013

Remembering My Brother

 Sunday, Oct. 27th is the anniversary of my brother's death. He died at age 46 from cancer in 1994. It was one of the most difficult days of my life.

I cared for him during his illness and decline while working full time. Cancer is a horrible disease. It is also a "helpless" one. When there is no hope left and you have to face the fact your only sibling is dying, it is horrible.

I went to work that morning and as soon as I arrived, a phone call came. My brother was dying. He was gone before I made it home that day. Never have gotten over this loss. Just learned to live with it.

Life sometimes isn't what you plan. Illness, death, loss, etc., come in when we least expect it. Two years after my brother died, I lost my dad. He was the last member of my family.

Someone told me God provides a "family" when you're alone. This has never happened to me. I've had to struggle alone for a long time now. My own illness has taken me hostage into a world of being alone, wishing for hugs where there are none, just to see another face during the day. It is a different world.

One thing I have experienced that has held to be true is people may mean well, but words are empty without action. With some people, words are just words. No follow through. No anything. I've had to learn to block out useless words that fall to the ground never to take root.

I was taught that your word is your greatest asset. When someone says they will do something, they do it. I will never say I'll do something unless I can do it. And if I can't, I will tell you so. Too many people don't take this as a promise anymore or perhaps promises have become just endless words. What is happening to this world?!

There was a poll in the news this week. It asked if there should be a law where children take care of their elderly parents. WHY should this even be a law? You just do it. And if you refuse to do it, then your parents shouldn't have to endure your neglect. I took care of my mom until she died. I took care of my brother and my dad until they died. You just do it. Has this world become so selfish that they just don't care anymore?

Taking care of my brother, watching him grow weaker and weaker from cancer and then passing away was the hardest thing I've ever done. But you know what? I wouldn't trade a moment spent doing it. I miss him terribly.


Last night I had a wonderful dream with the same person appearing. Seems to be the star of these dreams. He came for a visit and brought me a check for a great deal of money. I remember giving it back to him and telling him just being with him was worth more. I've had recurring dreams of this person over the past few years. I always wake up the same: Sad. Wishing they would come true. Wishing they were real. Asking God why I keep dreaming of this person. So I say a prayer for him and put him in God's hands.

If only we could make our night time dreams reality. I wonder if you dream about someone like this, do they dream of you, too?

No comments:

Post a Comment