Saturday, November 9, 2013

An Evening Out

Went to dinner with a friend last night and out to hear the Lexington Brass Band concert. It was Artist Series at Asbury University, my alma mater. Beautiful! Soothing! Long! We left at intermission because it was so long.

When I was in college, we use to dress up for Artist Series. Last night I didn't see one student dressed up. Sad indeed. It use to be a shining opportunity, a date night.

I wonder if the school still has Brother/Sister halls, Secret Brothers and Secret Sisters. My most favorite part of Asbury was just before Thanksgiving when the brother/sister halls would join for a Christmas party. There you would find out your secret brother and secret sister. I remember our hall standing in front of the dorm serenading us. They were standing in a bank of snow. Afterwards we would join in for a Christmas party. During Secret sister/brother, you'd receive mystery gifts. That night the secret would be revealed. They weren't fancy gifts - simple things like a huge brown bag of cheese popcorn, cards, etc. My most favorite memory!

If the college doesn't do this still, these kids are missing out! There was something so special when the guys would serenade us. When the guy's dorm had a fire drill, they would surround our dorm and sing. Such a beautiful time. So very very thankful I went to Asbury thirty years ago!

As I sat in the concert last night, I found myself looking around at all the couples, seeing wedding rings shining from the musicians' fingers. Then special Asburians who returned to perform would be introduced as "This is so and so. They met their wife as Asbury."

I kept sitting there wondering what was so wrong with me. Why did I end up alone in the world? The nicest people I've ever known I met at Asbury. Yet it feels odd to be back in the chapel in those horrible seats still wondering what's so wrong with me.

Every year I pray I'm not handcuffed to another Thanksgiving and Christmas alone. Those prayers haven't been answered for me.

And I still wonder - what's so wrong with me? Perhaps my mother was right when she said I'd never be good enough. I've lived under her harsh words all of my life. Did she know what she was doing? Probably not, but her words have destroyed me inside on how I see myself. I can get over any past incidents, but my mother's words are something else.

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