Wednesday, November 13, 2013

STILL Flaring and Other Concerns

Still flaring! Seems that lupus won't leave me alone since the rain came through. Snow I can handle. Rain, no way! It has been a slow moving day. Accomplished two things and am thankful I could. But the cold has really pulled the rug out from under me. Still wishing I had a fireplace, but that darn fireplace never magically appears! Can't afford to turn on the heat.

It is COLD in here! Has always been drafty. Rascal woke me up last night searching for body heat. When the temps drop to 22 degrees, time to cuddle. Wish I could find the spot where the wind blows through, but haven't been able to do so. I surely can feel it when the wind blows outside. 

Thanksgiving is coming in two weeks. A family holiday. No funds to buy food for Thanksgiving here. Bills are paid and hopefully have enough food for the month. Worried about Rascal's food though. It is going fast. Would rather make sure Rascal is fed than me. I can endure. He can't. 

Sometimes I wish I could pull the covers over me until Thanksgiving and Christmas are over. No money. No family. No reason to celebrate. The only thing I have to look forward to is a cat scan and two doctors' visits. Oh joy! The expense alone will wipe me out. 

Systemic lupus is an expensive illness. My first rheumatologist told me this eighteen years ago. He was absolutely right! So do I buy food to stay alive or choose the medications that are keeping me alive? Do I sit in the dark, dress in layers and stay under a blanket all day or somehow afford to turn on the heat? These are the reasons I have to choose needs above wants. $800 a month only goes so far. 

Still there is hope. There is ALWAYS hope. God has never let go of me and I am truly thankful! Life is hard enough without hope. I will hang onto the hope God has given me and look forward to tomorrow.

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