Tuesday, January 7, 2014

STILL A FROZEN TUNDRA AND BIRTHDAY THOUGHTS

It is still a frozen tundra around here. We soared to 10 degrees today with a -20 wind chill. Forced a man who broke out of prison to turn himself in in Lexington. Was too cold out there!

Now the weather turns the other way - up to the high 50's by the end of the week. It is the yo-yoing that makes me so sick and puts me in bed for days. So hard to function when you're in so much pain.

The birds bombed my front porch again, but instead of being able to sweep it off, it froze to the porch. Another day. They keep stealing my dry cat food. (can't put out canned - it freezes too quickly).

It was so cold today that trash pick up was cancelled along with all schools and some businesses. My trash is literally frozen to the can.

Another doctor day on Thursday. Still can't walk on my left foot and wonder which doctor will finally find the solution to the problem. It seems that those covered under medicare are the most neglected of the patients. Most of the doctors don't spend enough time with you to find out what's going on.

It is another day indoors. The walls are closing in on me even though Rascal and I have spent most of the day curled up underneath an electric blanket. I woke up with a lupus rash across my face. Fine timing - the week after my rheumatologist exam.

I am no different than any other person. I long for purpose in my life, want to be part of a family, feel loved. But with illness(es) come isolation, rejection, neglect. Sad thing is I'm not the only person out there who is in these circumstances.

I think back to my birthday last year. I received one birthday card. While it meant the world to me, I still felt alone. I hate that the internet has taken the world of warm wishes and kindness away from people. Stamps may cost more, but well worth the effort and cost to send a birthday card. I make sure to do this for people I know. It means something to be thought of on your day.

My day is shadowed with bad memories. My mother died Jan. 18, 1985, two days before my birthday. I spent my 24th birthday in a funeral home and then she was buried the day after. Will my birthday become another day to sleep away (the pain)? Will my calendar days be more blurred from the pain of being alone in the world? Note to self: never let someone's birthday pass without sending them a card.



 

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