Sunday, February 16, 2014

A SLOW Sunday Afternoon

It has been another slow day. Haven't seen another person since Friday and then only briefly. I've been so sick, stuck in bed, and have cabin fever. So tired of being alone.

So many questions when I get to Heaven. Why do people avoid those who need them the most? Why does a walking cane chase away friends and encourage gossip? Why are so many people who claim to be Christians some of the meanest people I've ever met? Why do churches shun people who aren't physically or financially able to do something for them? What did I do in this life to be confined to a sick body and lonely life?

No matter where I go, I'm alone. Most of the time I can handle it with no problem. Some days it feels like the loneliness will swallow me whole. I wonder at times what purpose I have anymore. Being sick takes so much life away. Being alone makes it worse. Sometimes it feels as though I don't fit anywhere.

My body is swollen, running fever, in severe pain. I hate these days. If I need something, I struggle to my feet and eventually am able to retrieve it. Most of the time I just stop and give up. Decide what is necessary and avoid the rest. The pain is just too great.

I cannot afford to go to the doctor at this time (thanks Obama) and probably need to do so. So tired of deciding food, meds, doctor, or heat. The juggling doesn't help. I'm to the point of cutting meds in half to stretch them out.

Just tired of struggling. So weak today.

No comments:

Post a Comment