Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Out of Sight, Out of Mind

It was a rough Winter. I was sick most of it due to lupus flares. Because I was so sick, I spent most of it inside in bed so I could not attend the weekly Bible study I started when I moved to Wilmore. I missed it. The fellowship with the ladies was good. The teaching straight from the Bible, no fillers, no stories, no extra books, was great. But my health and doctors (and medical tests) kept me out this session. The only time I heard from anyone was whether I needed a ride to the study. I was greatful for the offer.

At the end of the study, one lady always takes it upon herself to gather money for gifts for the teacher and host. She calls all the members for donations. Last night my call came. I told her I had not been all session. It dawned on her she should asked how I was doing and the most important thing here was prayer. After I agreed, she said "blessings!" and hung up.

I had already known this group, too, was another "out of sight, out of mind" Christian gathering. I've been to far too many of them not to see it. When you're there, they care so much, love you dearly, will do anything for you. When you're not, you never hear from anyone, they forget your phone number, forget you are alone in the world and forget how sick you truly are. You fall back into the out of their sight out of their mind.

I've found so many churches to be this way with a cherry on the top: they add status to the mix. If you are "someone" in society, can get things done, have a role that can do something big for the church, have a title that benefits them, or are married to someone who has those qualities, you are the cherry on the top. No matter how many times you miss church, you are not forgotten. People check up on you because your presence would be missed, your status would be missed and your money would be missed.

If you do not have any of those things, you are invisible. Just add a cane plus an incurable illness(es), and you don't exist. I fall into the invisible category. It is an eerie feeling to see people look right through you at the end of a church service, but I've been there far too many times. It hurts more to go to church knowing no one cares than to stay home and worship God knowing He does.

At first they welcome you in with love, make you feel at ease, find out all they can about you and if they don't need what you can offer, you become invisible. I've worked in two different churches. I've sat in staff meetings, listened to "church talk," know what it is like on the other side of Sunday and know the business side of the building. This is not what Jesus intended for his ministry. In fact, if Jesus were to walk into a church today, he would be one of the invisible people, too.

I've been to four churches since moving to Wilmore. Three welcomed me in to a certain point, one made me feel like I didn't exist. When I came home crying, I knew it was time to stop.

Thirty one years ago, God opened a door for me to attend Asbury College, now University, in Wilmore, KY. It was the best time of my life. I graduated with a degree I worked so hard to achieve. People were loving and kind. They helped each other when there was a need. Even Wilmore people helped out when they heard of a need.

After my mother died, I returned to Wilmore to heal. I lived with a friend in a furnished apartment downtown. She soon graduated and was moving to Lexington. I had no furniture, but wanted to move with her. Within a few weeks word got out of my need. A family in Wilmore provided me with a full bedroom set free of charge. God always provided through the love and kindness of Wilmore residents.

So what has happened? Has this small loving town become so like the world that they don't care anymore? Or do you have to be part of the college and seminary in order to receive love and help? I wonder.

It breaks my heart.

I have a need. I need to find a warmer place before Winter. Kids are moving out now and places are opening up, but in Wilmore apartments and rental houses are found out by word of mouth. I don't know property owners. I hear "advice" but no one offers to help me find a place. I don't need advice. I need someone to help me find a place. Otherwise I'll be freezing again next winter. "Take my hand and help me!!"

Then again, I don't have deposit money until I move out. But you have to have deposit money and first month's rent in order to sign a new lease!  STRESS!!

You know, celebrities complain about this and that, but they don't have to worry about stuff like this.

I'm heading out the door in an hour to go to Lexington for a cat scan of my lymph node. I checked it myself this morning and found that two are swollen now. May have to argue with this doctor for a biopsy. If he can't do it, he can send me to someone who can. My brother died from cancer. It didn't show up in blood tests. They found it by accident when they took out a kidney stone. Was too late then.

I feel so stressed today. All I can say is "LORD HELP ME!!!"

No comments:

Post a Comment