Sunday, June 15, 2014

Amazing What You Remember!

Yesterday I went to a friend's surprise birthday party. It was outside under a gazebo and the weather was still cool from the night before (49 degrees Friday night).

I tried to remember the last time I had a birthday party or even a birthday cake. It has been eighteen years since I've had a birthday cake. The only birthday parties I ever had were at Asbury University, the one place I gained self esteem. So that makes it thirty years since I've had a birthday party.

My family wasn't big on birthdays. Was never wished a happy birthday, can't remember but one cake that was made for me at home, and if I said I wanted something for my birthday, I was always told it was too close to Christmas (almost a whole month after).

I just sat and listened last night. When my friend's parents said they loved her, I tried to remember if ever my family said those words. No, they didn't. I hope she realizes just how blessed she is!

It is true that the best things in life are free - love, encouragement, listening, caring, someone to lean on in hard times. Even though these things are free, those who are blessed with them take them for granted. Those like me who are not blessed with them are teetering on the edge just trying to stand on their own. It is hard. It is heart breaking.

With lupus, your memory and mind are both affected. It is hard to concentrate and remember things. Most of the time I can remember only good things, but today I recall all of the bad.

On days like this I have to find things to be thankful for like a peaceful place to live. The temperature is getting hot outside and I'm so thankful to have a roof over my head, quiet, and a good fan.
As I scrounge through my cabinets to find something for lunch, I'm thankful for the two year old ramen noodles to eat. No matter how much time passes, these noodles never go bad. With my pantry and fridge empty, my stomach was not. Those noodles were oh so good!

Medicines are due to be refilled, but with no funds left to refill them I'll just have to cut pills into two pieces. I know I'm not suppose to do this, but sometimes you just have to do what you can.

Life is hard right now. Stress is bad. Flares are frequent. But I'm still on this earth for some reason.

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