Friday, June 20, 2014


I've been taking a beating this week. A hard beating. Today I received a NEW bill from St. Joseph hospital. This one had been run through my insurance but not the part B. So I called yet again. (they already hit me earlier in the month for another bill). 

Today I find out they supposedly sent it to the part B but haven't received payment yet so I get the bill. The bill itself states it only went through part A. I told the person in the business office it takes time to receive part B and I would not be billed again. She said if they don't pay, I get a bill. Forgive me but it takes more than a few weeks to get payment and they know this.

I've NEVER had this kind of problem before with a hospital, doctor, tests. I will not be going back to St. Joseph Hospital. Not only have they given sorry service, but they don't submit insurance like they should. 

So now I have a bill for $150.00. I can't even buy groceries or fill my medications on what I live on. You can't get blood from a turnip!

Yesterday was another day of being beat up. I dressed and went out the door early Thursday morning hoping to beat the heat. I walked down to the college to pick up my registration for class reunions. I knew I was early so I hung out in the cool library for two hours. 

When I headed out the door to find some lunch, I asked if I could go ahead and just pick up my folder and info (since they weren't doing anything but sitting behind a table and chatting). They said no. I had to wait until 2:00. 

By this time I was hungry and so thirsty. So I headed to the grill to get some food. NOT open. I asked if the cafeteria was open. NOT open. Told me there was a Subway on the corner. I told him it was too hot to walk to the Subway and I was dehydrated.

 So I went to the student center. The coke machine was empty. They had not set up anything for reunion so I asked at the desk if there was any way I could get something to drink. The Hiccup Cafe in the student center wasn't even open.

A confused student didn't have a clue and looked at me like I had horns growing from my head. Another one said, "Let me see what I can find in the building." She came back with a bottle of water. I was so thankful for that water! I had come close to passing out from the heat and dehydration. 

So I sat in the student center drinking water and waiting until 2:00. The kids ran to and fro setting up stuff, hanging out on the sofas chatting. Another walked through with a sandwich plate and an ice cream cone. No food, huh?

I went back to the library at 1:30 and waited. While watching an older lady pick up her registration, I walked up and asked if I could do the same. They said I should wait until 2:00. I told them what was good for one is good for another. I wasn't going anywhere until they handed me my registration. They did.

I immediately left campus walking home in the extreme heat and humidity. By the time I finally arrived home, (after stopping several times to sit on steps) I was so sick I threw up. NEVER AGAIN. I'm done with college reunions. It was hours before I could hold food down. Had they let me pick up my folder (which took two minutes) earlier, I would not have been so sick. By the end of the day I was so swollen all over, I couldn't lie down to rest. It was 4:00 a.m. before I could sleep. My legs were still the size of water balloons. 

Where has the kindness, compassion, and care gone in this world? If it now happens at Asbury, the college that once was so loving and kind, what hope is there? I have never been so disappoint in my alma mater! If I had been a "Someone," I would not have been treated so poorly.

All of this makes me want to hide in my apartment and just forget the world. Over the past few years I've experienced very little kindness. Suffering, illness, heart broken, I have struggled alone. It has not been easy. 

Some people live in a fantasy world. They think there will always be someone there if they need them. Since I've not experienced this, I cannot agree. And since so many do experience this, I can't help but wonder what's wrong with me. Do I wear an invisible sign that says "Ignore this person?" Because I am so sick, do I repel people because they don't want to "invest" their time and care outside their perfect worlds? I can't help but ask again, WHAT is wrong with me?!

On days like this I just curl up and beg God for help. He's been the only one there when I go days or weeks without seeing another person. I count pennies at this point of the month just hoping to afford a gallon of milk. When I put my paypal link on this site, I had hoped beyond hope to find help from the kindness of strangers. I have over the years, but the help has dwindled. If only I could get a step ahead instead of ten steps backwards! My ebay sales are nonexistent. With the horrible economy, nothing sells!

Last night I mentioned to a friend that I'm tired of Ramen noodles. She said they are good. I said, "But they are not nutritious."

No wonder I'm sick - stress, lack of nutrition, cutting meds in half, sitting in the heat because I can't afford to turn on the air. 

Some times I just wish I could go to sleep and not wake up. It beats the suffering. Those days are more frequent. 

I just keep holding on to the fact that on July 5th I can set out items for the Wilmore yard sale and pray I can make enough to at least buy food. Another extreme heat day that I do not need physically, but have no choice in the matter. 

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