Thursday, August 28, 2014

Being Thankful

I've decided to appreciate three things about my life each day.
1. I  am thankful for the ability to stand in the shower today. Most take every day actions for granted. For me it is a struggle to accomplish this task because of my lupus flares.

2. I am thankful to have quality friends. Numbers don't matter as long as you have someone to love who accepts and loves you just as you are.

3. I am thankful for God's creatures and the joy they bring. My stray cats, with their unconditional love, consistent presence and the lessons they have taught me. Many days pass without me seeing another person. The cats come by for food and stay for love and a save place to rest. If only people would care as much as those furry four legged friends.

Life is hard, especially when you are totally alone in the world. Add to it the shadows that hang over hoping for a better life, one where taming a shower or cleaning house does not feel like an impossible task, or needing to believe you are still a good person with a compassionate heart having so much love to give. When I was younger I saw myself as ugly, unloved, hopeless. When you have a mother who tells you on a daily basis "I wish you had never been born, I hate you, and no man will ever want you," you tend to believe it. I see that woman  my mother described.

But for me to have a quality life, I needs to start with the woman God sees in the mirror. Yrs I have a chronic dangerous illness that controls my life, but it does not control my soul.

Just recently  a woman flippant said "You don't look sick." Have.g heard it so any times before from other rude people, I decided to say what I always wanted to say ."Really? And you don't look stupid.,"

Even though it was the wrong thing to say, it surely felt good!

I am no different than any one else. I long to be loved, to find my southern gentleman to marry, make a difference in all lives. The only difference is I struggle with systemic lupus and other illnesses. I've been sick for eighteen years. I've waited to die for a long time. Now I want to live with all the joy GOD has planned for my life.

It starts with being thankful.

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