Sunday, September 7, 2014

What If

We spend our lives wondering what if. What if I don't get that job? What if he or she does not love me? What if I made another bad choice? 

Ever wonder what your life would be like if you were so alone in the world you wonder if you could make it to another day? What if no one cared about you. What if you spent Thanksgiving and Christmas alone because you had no family? What if the one friend you loved the most said, "I don't need you."? What if you went days or weeks without seeing another person? What if you were so sick you couldn't do the simplest of things for yourself? What if what if what if? What if you felt more invisible and useless every time you walked into a church because most people ignored you?

Many would call this worry. Some would call this life. Yet some know what it feels like to live the what ifs as reality. I am one of the some. 

Unlike many, I have no choice but to live in the world of what ifs. When I go out, my cane draws attention. I gain weight from the insurmountable medications I have to take to survive. I don't like the person in the mirror so why should anyone else? 

The Bible says to "love your neighbor as yourself." The key is you can't love someone else if you don't love yourself. I never mastered the love of self. Instead I have tried to overcome the negative hateful words told to me in childhood that still ring in my ears. I try to overcome my daily obstacles to accomplish at least one thing. I try to overcome the bad choices I've made in life. 

The key to what ifs is I TRY. When you live with a debilitating disease that slowly takes something away from you on a day to day basis, all you have left is hope and trying. 

Keep trying, but remember those who are living the what ifs. They need love, too. 

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