Thursday, October 30, 2014

Lupus, Stress and Kevin Spacey

It has been one of those days - a terribly, horrible, no good very bad day! The stress of worrying where the $4,000.00 to repay a grant I received for Benlysta is keeping me awake at nights. Not to mention I'm still paying for the medication itself (the infusion). 

Side effects from this horrible medicine have been strong. This month I had a horrible headache the day after, joints swollen, pain intensified, and could not get out of bed for a week. Geesh!! If the medication doesn't kill me, the worry will! I haven't slept for two days.

Stress is very bad for lupus patients. It causes flares. Flares cause irreparable damage. Damage makes for a terrible life. No quality at all. 

And that's where I am right now. Stressing over the cost of everything. Knowing I can't pay it back alone. Knowing I have no one to turn to for help. 

My pantry is empty. My fridge is bare. The cats are getting low on food. And I'm ready to pull my hair out!

This has been a very difficult month. Now the holidays are approaching. Another stress added to my life. No family. Nowhere to go for the holidays. Magnified emptiness. 

I'm tired of being sick. I'm tired of being tired. And I'm tired of struggling. Stress is killing me. 
 One good thing happened this week. I received a card in the mail from Kevin Spacey. He was thanking me for kindness. I have no idea what he's talking about, but it made my day.

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