Tuesday, December 23, 2014

A Personal Christmas

When Christmas season comes around, many people deal with it in many different ways. Those who have families gather together to celebrate. But those of us who don't have family anymore try to find a way to deal with being alone at Christmas. It seems that the lack of family is felt so strongly this time of year.

I don't expect everyone who reads this post to understand. You have not walked in my shoes. You haven't walked in the shoes of others who suffer at Christmas. So how can you understand.

It is hard to handle. No other way to explain it. 

This time of year I feel like a rejected stray left out in the cold. Nowhere to go. Just wanting one thing in life - love. 

Do I share this to make someone feel sorry for me? No. No one wants that. I just want the same thing every person on this earth wants this time of year - a family, love, to fit in. 

Please don't cast off your leftovers for me to eat alone. Invite me to the original dinner. Don't feel sorry for me being alone. I do that enough for the both of us. Don't give me second hand invitations when your original plans don't work out. No one wants to be a second thought. I merely want to feel welcome, like there is a place for me, a secure loving place. I miss having that place in my own family and don't know how to get it back. 

This is a very hard time of year for many people, especially those who are alone. Instead of wrapping yourself so tightly into your own family, let someone else in from the cold. 

Life is hard enough without adding more pain and grief to someone's existence. Remember kind words are more soothing than a hateful bag of judgement. Some of us are very sensitive and feel things deeply. When we are hurt, we forgive, but are guarded to not forget lest history repeats itself. Don't kick someone when they're already down. Lift them up instead or get out of the way.

Christmas is especially hard this year because I've been fighting illness. Don't know what caused it, but it adds to the already heavy weight of lupus flares. 

If I can be blessed with peaceful sleep, I'll be most thankful this year. If I can find a new way to deal with being alone then the burden won't be as heavy.  

Life is one day at a time. Thankful for the small things. Being sensitive to those who are suffering. After all, who doesn't want someone to care?

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