Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Broken Heart

When I was first diagnosed with systemic lupus I lost a lot of friends. Seems no one wants to be put in any position to help someone who is sick. Before you pass judgement on what I just said, walk in my shoes for a week and then I'll listen.

You'd think I'd get use to losing friends from illness. But I don't. This weekend was no different.

A group of college friends, whom I was very close to in college, gathered in KY this past weekend. Even though I'd probably not see any of them, I had hope. No phone calls, no emails, no nothing. They gathered, did their thing and went back home. I sat alone at home still hoping.

It broke my heart when I finally realized the same people whom I loved dearly, who I thought would be in my life until the end, decided I wasn't worth the effort or time. Apparently I would "slow them down."

I've always said don't show up when I die if you can't show up while I'm alive. My mother said the same thing. I thought she was so wrong. People did care. But she refused to believe.

Turns out she was right. If you ever want to run off a bunch of friends, tell them you are sick, your life has changed, you don't have any family, and you will live with this chronic illness for the rest of your life. Those statements will clean house for you.

Some people say they care, but actions don't back it up. I'm a firm believer in actions speak louder than words. Don't promise someone something and not back it up. Don't turn away because you don't understand. Just care and let your actions back up how you feel.

It will mean the world to someone suffering in silence.

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