Sunday, September 27, 2015

Dreary Dreary Dreary!!

The weather finally produced some rain.  News says we're mid drought in KY. Thankful for the rain, but anyone with systemic lupus knows it causes severe pain throughout the body. 

When I woke up Saturday morning, my entire body was writhing in pain. A friend laughs when I tell her even my hair hurts, but it is true. When you're in extreme pain it hurts to even run a brush through your hair. When someone tries to hug you, the pain is worse.

I was reminded how hard living in KY is for someone who suffers physically. The cold and wet beat the body from inside out. I have to find a way to go back south. I dread this winter more than any. I've fallen several times over the past few months and know the widespread pain hits where the falls did damage. 

I didn't sleep well last night because of pain. It hurts to sit, to lie down, and to stand. So I rotate between the three. You don't get much relief when you can't sleep or rest. 

Saw a play at the college last night. Sitting there in extreme pain did not help. Although the play was wonderful, I was in tears from the pain. None of the pain medications seem to be working. 

The worst part of being so sick is feeling like you're alone. If you are with a group or just a few people and they don't relate, it feels even more painful. I'm no different than anyone else. I simply want to be loved and cared about. When I am suffering it feels like people would rather hang you on a hook somewhere and come back after their fun is over. Weighing them down or getting in the way is no fun. 

I'm sick. I'm suffering. I wish I could unzip my body and crawl out. Winter hasn't even started yet and I don't know if I'll make it through this one. 

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