Friday, September 4, 2015

Sometimes.....

Sometimes I wish people would listen and hear me.

A friend said she hopes I can find a way to get back to AL. She wants me to be happy where ever I go.

That's not the purpose of getting back to AL. The purpose is finding proper health care for the multitude of health issues I suffer with.

Since I moved to KY, I have gone through two rheumatologist, two MD's, two thoracic surgeons, and a horrible eye exam place. For the past year (or two), I have gone from being somewhat covered with medical doctors to one doctor - an MD.

I have a thoracic aneurysm growing underneath my heart. It was almost to 5.0 cm two years ago. The systemic lupus I've suffered with for twenty years has caused me more flares than I can count. Damage is unrepairable. My vision has worsened so much that I have to use glasses and a magnifying glass to read anything. The plaquenil I take for lupus requires a check up from an ophthalmologist to see if the medicine is causing more vision lost because of the deposit on the back of the retina. I have pre-glaucoma. The last time it was checked was almost two years ago. The doctor and his assistant treated me like I was one of the cattle that run through the massive office there.

The permanent nerve damage in my legs and feet has spread to the top of my hip making it difficult for me to walk or balance. I've fallen three times in six weeks, the last one being last Sunday. I fell off the porch trying to pick up the cat. Late at night so no one was there. I dragged myself to the porch and finally picked myself up.

I'm tired of going through bad doctor after bad doctor. I need stability where medical care is concerned. I don't have it here. Had I known then about KY's poor care, I would have stayed put.
 I had hopes, such high hopes, and they were dashed quickly.

I need to return back to AL for medical care. Nothing more. But am stuck because I can't afford a move and have no one to help me.

I think about so many people in this world who are suffering from far worse than I am. They cry for help, but people ignore them. They suffer. What has happened to this world??? 

Another friend posted on his facebook about an experience he had with a man who was asking for money for food. Since the man didn't leave and go get food immediately he decided the man was not in need. No one knows what is going on with another's life. You're not present in a person's life 24/7 and don't know what has gone on. If you have extra, help someone. What they do with it then is between them and God.

I heard someone say this yesterday, "Don't just say, 'Let me know if you need anything.' See the need yourself and do something about it." Too many times people use "I'll pray for you" as a get out of jail free card to avoid any action at all.  I think it is just as bad to know someone needs help and not to do anything about it.

Today I feel like screaming to the top of my lungs. But then I realize the stress would just cause another lupus flare (on top of the one I've suffered all week) and just make it worse. Besides, no one is listening.

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