Wednesday, March 30, 2016

All In the Eyes of the Beholder

I've often been told beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I guess to some extent that is true. Most of the time we overlook the beauty in front of us. I'm not talking about flowers or trees or birds. I'm talking about unexpected events that occur in our lives only to be admired when they have passed. Hopefully those events won't pass us by without notice.

Today a frail older lady knocked on my door. She was asking me to help her. So I asked how I could help her. My mind jumped to all kinds of conclusions, but it turns out, none of them were true. She said she needed to go see her doctor because her son wouldn't give her her medicine. She said she needed to go now because her stomach was hurting. I asked all kinds of questions hoping I'd hit on one that would reveal more to the story. I told her the doctor's office was on the other side of town and I didn't have a way to take her over there. She said she was going to walk, but I told her it was a far walk and too warm since she was wearing a sweater.

She sat down in the old rocking chair on my front porch. I stood beside her when I noticed a man crossing the street pushing a wheelchair. I asked if she knew him.

He walked up to my doorstep and apologized to me. Turns out this was his grandmother who had dementia. She was confused, he said, because they just came from the pharmacy where a new medication was filled, but she could not take it until nighttime.

I told her that medicine would make her very sleepy if she took it now. Maybe she should wait until nightfall. She thanked me and walked away. Her grandson followed her as she walked down the street, turned around and walked the other direction. He was patient with her. Something I hadn't seen in today's generation at all. You could tell he was caring and waited for her to make up her own mind to go home.

She was confused and looked for the first door opened to her. I'm glad it was mine. Dementia is a horrible disease. My mother suffered from it at the end of her life. She didn't know who I was. She was more difficult to deal with in the end. I honestly can't say I had patience with her.

That young man did have patience with his grandmother. He stood by her side until she was ready to go home.

Dementia comes to many people. Lupus patients face the end with dementia. It frightens me to think I'll be all alone when and if it happens to my mind. She was blessed. She had someone who loved her, took care of her, and had the patience needed to wait. To me it was a beautiful sight.


Doctor's visit is on Monday. Rheumatologist. Hoping to redo new medication. I also have a cat scan for the aortic aneurysm near my heart. New doctor appointment follows. Turns out the old doctor left shortly after my last appointment two years ago. 

Monday, March 21, 2016

Return to Winter

It is Spring, but this weekend you wouldn't know it. Chilly temps always plummet me to lupus flares. Rain, up and down temperatures, stress, you name it. Has been a rough few months. 

The doctor changed my medication by adding another pill. It is so strong I have to take only one. Choice is sleep (and sleep and sleep) or not sleep and have flares. I feel what a hangover must be. My brain is more muddled than ever. 

Chest pains have returned to my world. So today I called the thoracic surgeon's office. It has been two years since my last aneurysm scan. I found out the horrible doctor I had left. Hooray!! But now I have to get use to another new doctor and this one is fresh from his residency. Their procedure is set up tests and appointments and mail them to you. Not sure why a phone call wouldn't help. So I wait. 

I wish there was something good to share with you, but my days have become so dull and listless just like me. Just trying to make it through a day one step at a time. Miss being energetic and busy. Haven't seen those days in a long time. 

Chilly night ahead with a temp of 27 degrees. Kitties all snuggled in and I had to turn on the heat again. Hopefully tomorrow will be different. Hopefully I can do small things like clean off the table or pick up my bedroom. It is the small things I long to do now. 

Don't take the small things for granted!

Sunday, March 13, 2016

Short Post

Haven't posted in awhile because I've been so sick. Doctor changed my medication and I'm either sleeping all of the time or not sleeping for days. Haven't had a normal day for months.

Most of the time I'm up long enough to feed the kitties and then back to bed. Not much of a life.

And the new medication costs more! So tired of choosing between groceries or medication.

Hoping for better days.