Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Searching for a Goodnight's sleep

My mattress is only a year and a half old, but my body hurts from not getting a good night's sleep. It is a good firm mattress. But since it doesn't accommodate the painful parts, the parts that swell and sharp stabbing pains that shoot throughout, I can't sleep well. I have another bed in my apartment. It is the bed my parents bought when they were married. The box springs and mattress are over twenty years old. It, too, tears my back apart.

When I get up in the morning, I cannot walk well for two hours. When I have to go somewhere I have to get up two hours earlier just to be able to walk and move the pain loose.

I've been suffering from lupus for twenty two years now and the damage it has done to my body is immense. Something as needed as sleep is a luxury now. Sad thing is lupus patients need 8-10 hours of sleep just to reduce flares and damage. I can't remember when I've had 8 hours.

I'm hurting too much to sit in the recliner, rest on the loveseat, sit in a rocker. I'm in so much pain and stiffness is so bad that I cannot pull myself up when I lie down. If only I could find the perfect bed. If only I had a sleep number bed. I've heard how wonderful they are for those who suffer with chronic illness. But how on earth could I ever afford a sleep number bed? The cost of living is hard enough added on to twenty prescriptions to fill. I'll just have to wish and dream for one someday.

Until then I am thankful for the rare few hours I can sleep. It is with sleep I leave the pain behind and hope for peace and serenity.

Oh gosh how I hurt!

Friday, May 13, 2016

Where did April Go?

I can't believe it is already May 13th. Where did April go? They say time flies when you're having fun, but for the past few weeks, I haven't been having fun. Struggling through the crazy weather patterns in KY. Heavy rain, very warm temps dropping to freezing soaring up again. This weather has literally beat me up. The pain is worse when the temperatures drop. Tomorrow night temps are dropping to the 30's again.

The only time I've been out is when I go to the doctor. Lately I go to the doctor more often. Now I'm scheduled for a mammogram and colonoscopy. I've been here four years and the doctor noticed finally that none of these things have been done. My last colonoscopy in Dothan showed precancerous polyps.  Who knows what they'll find this time.

I have many thoughts on cancer. First, if I am ever diagnosed, I don't intend to take chemo. I experienced what my brother went through when he had to go through chemo. It didn't prolong his life. Just made him super sick and weakened his body more. So I don't intend to do this. So why have a mammogram or colonoscopy? It will only tell me what I have or don't have. If I had a family, any family, I'd consider it. But being alone in the world doesn't exactly give me a desire to prolong the inevitable.

I'm so tired today. Still adjusting to the new blood pressure medication. Have been able to sleep better the past two weeks and wonder if it is due to the side effects. Just thankful for sleep.

The crazy black crows are back this Spring. They have been eating me out of cat food. I've already gone through two bags this month. Forget about hiding the bowl. They can sniff it out. Add to the issue that Buddy and Tom do nothing to run them off. They just sit on the porch and watch. Buddy is more interested in chasing other neighborhood cats and dogs. Poor Tom is just so feeble now.

I feel the rain coming in. My joints are swelling again. Found it hard to hold a needle and thread last night. It is hard when you suffer from a disease like Lupus, plus the other conditions spawned from it. Life is hard enough dealing with illness, but add being alone and you find it nearly impossible.

How on earth do people make it through without faith?!