Friday, May 13, 2016

Where did April Go?

I can't believe it is already May 13th. Where did April go? They say time flies when you're having fun, but for the past few weeks, I haven't been having fun. Struggling through the crazy weather patterns in KY. Heavy rain, very warm temps dropping to freezing soaring up again. This weather has literally beat me up. The pain is worse when the temperatures drop. Tomorrow night temps are dropping to the 30's again.

The only time I've been out is when I go to the doctor. Lately I go to the doctor more often. Now I'm scheduled for a mammogram and colonoscopy. I've been here four years and the doctor noticed finally that none of these things have been done. My last colonoscopy in Dothan showed precancerous polyps.  Who knows what they'll find this time.

I have many thoughts on cancer. First, if I am ever diagnosed, I don't intend to take chemo. I experienced what my brother went through when he had to go through chemo. It didn't prolong his life. Just made him super sick and weakened his body more. So I don't intend to do this. So why have a mammogram or colonoscopy? It will only tell me what I have or don't have. If I had a family, any family, I'd consider it. But being alone in the world doesn't exactly give me a desire to prolong the inevitable.

I'm so tired today. Still adjusting to the new blood pressure medication. Have been able to sleep better the past two weeks and wonder if it is due to the side effects. Just thankful for sleep.

The crazy black crows are back this Spring. They have been eating me out of cat food. I've already gone through two bags this month. Forget about hiding the bowl. They can sniff it out. Add to the issue that Buddy and Tom do nothing to run them off. They just sit on the porch and watch. Buddy is more interested in chasing other neighborhood cats and dogs. Poor Tom is just so feeble now.

I feel the rain coming in. My joints are swelling again. Found it hard to hold a needle and thread last night. It is hard when you suffer from a disease like Lupus, plus the other conditions spawned from it. Life is hard enough dealing with illness, but add being alone and you find it nearly impossible.

How on earth do people make it through without faith?!

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