Friday, September 30, 2016

I Need A Miracle!

I spoke with my neighbor across the street simply to pass some information about the landlord who owns the duplex across the street. She, too, had problems with them. She expressed how fed up she is with the bunch. I shared my experiences and gave her the name of the officer who is working the case. What would make a difference is if other neighbors called as well. I feel like I'm fighting alone. Ever reminded of the eight other times I've encountered drugs, drug dealers and criminals living next door to me and having to deal with the situation alone. There are simply no safe places anymore, but I settle for one without drug dealers and addicts. It's all about them. No boudaries, no self control.

Yesterday it was the dog getting out loose without a leash. I yelled at the dog when he charged onto my porch. Troubled neighbor started yelling and cussing me out. He threatened to beat me up and kill Buddy my cat. This has Already become a case. This afternoon he decided to work on his car in the driveway and turn his car stereo up to blasting.

I did what the officer told me. Call everything in. There was an officer in a plain car who stopped. That conversation went on for ever. Thankfully I was not in the middle. The reason I was told to call everytime was the more police show up, they know they're being watched and the officer said they would get paranoid and leave.

I will never understand how a landlord overlooks so much: drug dealers, drug parties, blasting music, wild large dog let loose to run rampant in the neighborhood, a child going into other yards when folks   aren't home to play and take things with them. I don't understand how after six police calls this land Lord doesn't evict them. He's taking drug money for rent. Then I remember a landlord from Dothan who did the exact same thing. Could care less about the danger around us. He, too, did nothing.

I've been suffering since I fell Monday night. Bruised and swollen, I have
not moved around well. Those glaucoma drops burn my eyes red and make them hurt. I'm scared to take them, but afraid not to do so. I can't believe I'm losing my sight.

Prayers went up from a ladies Bible study tonight. I am a firm believer in prayer, but I also believe putting your feet behind prayers and helping someone in a bad situation by doing something. I understand how someone gets desperate enough to kill themselves. People are so willing to pray, but leave it at that. It becomes a way to not get involved. Pray and go - the practice of Christians today. I need prayer, but I need help more!!!!!

Oh how I wish someone would adopt me, share their family with me so that I won't have to be alone. As it is, I'm bogged down with being so alone, never fitting in. I ask God every night to take me home. I have no purpose, no quality of life, slowly my body is breaking down from a 22 year illness, I am losing my sight. I have no help for everyday things, cleaning, cooking a decent meal. I simply don't have the stamina. I am simply tired of trying. I have no desire to keep going. I'm exhausted and done.

I've tried to get back to a time I was actually happy in Wilmore, but it is as if my fond memories and joy have been smothered out of me by criminals next duplex over, losing my site, suffering with chronic fatigue, pain, countless doctor appointments and an ever growing medicine list that has reached 16 prescriptions a month! Is it worth it anymore? I don't know. Problem is there is no one to encourage me, no hugs, no laughter and no support. I'm lost trying to find that place where I was happy and content, but it has become a stranger to me.

I've heard people talk about a person losing hope and simply give up life, soul and spirit. Sometimes I wish I could just do
that. Just let go.

I need a miracle. Either the bad apples next door have to go or I have to find a new place. Otherwise I am standing on the edge contemplating letting go for good.

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