Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Unspoken Thoughts

This morning when I went outside to check on the kitties, I looked up at the sunrise. All I could say was "WOW!" God is the ultimate artist! My vision is going faster than I thought, especially in one eye. Today I am so thankful for the gift of sight.

When the holidays roll around, I always feel more depressed than ever. The loss of family (in my case all of them) is overwhelming enough, but at Thanksgiving and Christmas the loss is more intense. I miss them so much even though many years have passed. 

I have found very few people who open their doors at the holidays. When I do find an invitation (which is rare), I find myself feeling more alone in the crowd than I would at home. Perhaps it is because I can distract myself at home by reading, watching a movie, etc. So either answer is hard. Some would never open their homes at this time of year because they see it as a family only gathering. And if you sense someone is asking out of obligation or feel sorry for you because you're alone, you can sense it immediately. 

There are many people, old and young, who don't have a family anymore. Many who suffer severely this time of year. Remember them and do something. Random thoughts don't matter. Action does. 

 Cold temps have hit in Wilmore. Even after putting up plastic on the windows, I can still feel the cold when the temps drop outside. There is no way to stay warm in this apartment without running the heat at full blast. When you have to pay for fifteen medications, plus the Benlysta treatment bill coming soon, and you are disabled, it is extremely hard. You have to make a choice: heat, food, medications, necessities. So I spend a great deal of time under a heated blanket. So do the kitties. Heat and some food take a backseat. 

The cold affects lupus. My joints are so swollen and painful. I can barely walk across the floor this week. And Benlysta treatment number two is tomorrow. So everything around me is a clutter. Easier to reach things and walk less when it is in reach. My allergies seem to have worsened and I've been stopped up and sneezing for days. 

Just hoping for a few days of life without pain and being able to stay warm.


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